IRAQ ELECTION RESULTS - THE LATEST

From our Woolamaloo Gazette Special Corrospondent hiding in a hole in Baghdad to avoid American or British soldiers shutting down his blog.

The results are now becoming clearer after the recent election in troubled Iraq. After the pleasant surprise of the elections themselves passing off relatively peacefully and with much support from the populace, the results themselves are not at all surprising.

The ballot results collated so far clearly show that some 46% of the Iraq electorate prefer smooth peanut butter over the crunchy variety. Given the choking on a pretzel incident George Bush suffered a few years ago many in the Arab world will see this selection of smooth over crunchy as more evidence of US tampering in the election.


HOUSE ARREST

Charles Clarke, the British Home Secretary, has poo-poohed press stories that he was thinking about dropping his controversial plans for home detention without trial for terror suspects. Since the Law Lords ruled the detention of suspected terrorists for long terms without trial or charge was unlawful Blair's government has been looking for an alternative.

The current option of choice among ministers keen to lock up pesky foreigners (they're not British you know!) is currently thought to be House Arrest. As the name implies the detainees would be released from their unlawful imprisonment, thus satisfying the courts but their homes would instead be arrested and taken into custody. Plans area already afoot to adapt a special prison to detain the arrested houses. The theory is that the detainees will be free but without a home to return to will be unwilling to leave prison.

The tricky question of how to arrest and imprison apartments is still being considered and major steel manufacturers have been approached to make special building-sized restraints. Critics have pointed out the negative impact this house arrest will have on property prices while others have claimed that the forced arrest and removal of many buildings is secretly to allow Mr Clarke more room to walk around London without his enormous ears catching on the sides of structures. The Home Office denies all of this.