Boner!

I picked this up via Teardrop's blog and yes, he is right, it is puerile and childish and it is also hilarious! How can you take a park seriously with a name like Big Bone Lick??? Is it just me (and Teardrop obviously!) or does this make you think on a park where porno actors go when they retire? With a name like Big Bone Lick you can imagine this is where Linda Lovelace retired to (and if you don't get that reference I am not explaining it for you!). And how priceless if the fact that the address is Beaver Road???? Big Bone and Beaver, now there's a terrific combination, don't you think? Lili, why am I thinking of you here.

Late night time travel



Still on a total high from last night's new Doctor Who and thought I'd post this late-night snap of the proper TARDIS-style police box in Buchanan St in Glasgow I took on the way to the station to head back to Edinburgh after Eastercon. My mate's wee boys have been know to go up and hug it - to them it is a TARDIS, just as it was to us when we were kids. We knew it wasn't really a TARDIS, but there was that little bit of you that wanted to believe that it was and that through those doors was a huge inner space of a ship which would take you across time and space. Its the same part of me that wanted to leave my window open for Peter Pan to fly in, explore wardrobes in case they had a portal to magical lands or listen for a clock striking odd hours so I could sneak out of bed and explore a secret garden at midnight. I suspect it is one of the reasons I read so much today and the best novels and poetry give me that feeling of magical possibilities again, adding another facet to the lens you view the world through.

Last night's episode was a cracker; it appealed to me as I am now, but it spoke even mroe directly to the child in me as we saw the return of one of the most loved companions in the series' long history, Sarah Jame Smith and the 70s robotic hound, K9. For those of us who grew up with Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker's Doctors, both of whom the actress who played Sarah, Liz Sladen, worked with this was a special present from the makers of the new show (mostly fans themselves). It was fun to see the Doctor Who Confidential afterwards on BBC 3 and see the behind the scenes for that episode and just how in awe of Liz the new production team and cast were. As new Doc David Tennant said, he had grown up watching her with Tom Baker and remembered K9; now here he is all grown up, acting with them and he is the Doctor.

One workmate said he wasn't looking forward to this episode because it smacked of 'pointless nostalgia'. Well, he was too young for this to be nostalgiac for him, as it was for me (and a lot of you I suspect) and he was totally wrong - the new DW team don't throw these things in just for the hell of it, they put it in if they think they have a good story which requires it. In this case they continued the delightfully silly but great adventure (Buffy's Anthony Head as a wonderful leering villain! Every schoolkid's secret belief that teachers are actually monsters confirmed! Blowing up the school! Great!) but also the trend they have started with the new show which looks at what the Doctor does, how he lives his life and how it really affects the people he deals with in a way the old show rarely did.

This started right with the first episode of the Eccleston series, where the conspiracy theory guy is putting together fragments of the various Doctor's appearances throughout history, always at a time of strife and noting that wherever he goes death abounds. Of course we know it isn't usually his fault and he is trying to save people, but it is true that wherever he goes these things happen. It is a sentiment borrowed from some of the more mature comics and graphic novels from the 80 onwards where, for example, some have looked at the relationship of bizarre villains like the Joker to Batman, asking if the Dark Knight's very existence helps to create these menaces which he then has to defend people from.

Last night's episode was especially touching because it looked at how time spent travelling with the Doctor across history and space affected the companions. How do you go back to a normal life after that sort of experience? Its not even like you can talk to people about it as no-one will believe you. Nice touch where she mentions the spaceship over London seen the the Xmas special and how she imagined the Doctor would be near by ' oh standing on top of it, he replies airily. It is especially poignant for Sarah of course, because she had to leave and the Doctor always promised to come back but never did 9and there he was in London at Xmas and didn't even think to call her!) - now we see Sarah having lived a life waiting for a man to come back to her and when he does it is by accident. We see Rose looking at the Doctor in a different light now and wondering if she is seeing her future. And we see it from his point of view because no matter how human he looks he isn't; he is a Time Lord, a being who will walk through centuries. As he explains to Rose, if she wants she can spend the rest of her life with him, but he can't spend the rest of his life with her; she will age, decay and die as humans do while he will go on, regenerating when one body is tired out, for centuries as the people around him age and die.

It was a lovely bit of balancing in a single episode, throwing in sheer fun, nasty villains and some serious emotional baggage and it made for a cracking story. 30-something me loved it; 10-year old me adored it. And I know a police box is still a police box, but there will always be a part of me that knows deep down that really it is a TARDIS...

We are 3



I almost let April pass without realising this month marks the third anniversary of the blog version of the Woolamaloo Gazette, which took to the air in April 2003, as people were getting very worried about what would happenin Iraq now the war was 'over', bird flu was on the spread and MP George Galloway was having his name smeared by linking it with cash for oil allegations curiously at the same time he was attacking the UK and US adminstrations and their roles in deceiving us into war. Wow, what a difference three years makes!!!! The world is so very different now... Oh, wait...

Scarier is the fact that the genesis of the Woolamaloo was way back in 1991, 1992 at college, where I emailed out spoof newspaper articles on the net (no web back then, just the largely text-based net). I was still doing this years later until my mate Ariel, editor of the Alien Online, persuaded me (and helped me) to set it up as a blog. Since several friends who got the email then forwarded them to other folks I figured it was a good idea, plus the blog format meant I could write on anything and everything as the fancy took me, although I still enjoy posting the occasional spoof article. And still the irony that such a little thing would get me into so much trouble - and make even more trouble for a certain company - cost me a job and land me a better one where I run a blog as part of it still surprise to me when I think about it. Life in the real world and online is a funny old thing. Still, happy birthday to this incarnation of the Woolamaloo Gazette, the blog they couldn't hang.

New look blog

As part of the new website development at FPI my colleague and I spend a chunk of today reworking the original FPI blog which I maintain. We moved it and switched to Word Press, which I know a lot of friends have been using, with a nice, seamless redirect from the old address straight to the new version. We even managed to get the old posts imported, links and all, which was pretty nifty. I must admit to rather liking it although I will need to play around with it a bit to get used to it, maybe think about switching the Woolamaloo to Word Press sometime, then again maybe not.

We also closed down the graphic novel standalone site today and put in a redirect to the new site. Since I finished copying every single graphic novel onto the new site too (and since I was constantly adding lots of new stuff to both sites while I did this it was a BIG job!) it was time to ring down the curtain on that version. I much prefer the new, more flexible and dynamic site - better images on the new titles and we have added features like preview pages, made it easier for folks to add their own reviews, put in pages with awards lists, the What the Author Says feature and more that the old site just couldn't support. It is also a lot easier to use, although I will miss the old site a little since it was the first site I built at FPI.

Chimps attack American tourists

And another weird news story has some chimpanzees escaping a reserve and attacking some American tourists. George Bush called for immeadite action on all higher simians, stating that today they were terrorising innocent Americans, tomorrow the chimps could be building uranium enrichment plants and planning to take over the world, turning it into a planet of the apes. Tony Blair instantly agreed with everything the president said and promised full British support. Osama Bin Liner issued a statement calling on all monkeys and apes to rise up against their human oppressors who were clearly conducting a war against simians but was silenced by a barrage of hurled monkey poo.

The Hole

This is one Weird story with a capital 'WEEEEE': a man in California was swallowed by a hole which suddenly opened in the floor beneath him in his home where he was trapped and killed in rubble beneath the home.

Museum of Scotland



From the outside it isn't a building I find very inspirational, although it isn't especially bad either. Inside is another matter - it has great space for the exhibits, which take you through Scottish history in a roughly chronological order through many floors. There is a lot of natural light even on overcast Scottish days, as you can see here and one of the things I especially like is the irregular shape within - there are little passageways and sudden openings onto short bridges spanning drops like these in the pics here, little balconies in funny corners there for no other reason than to let folk stick their head out and get unusual views. I also like the interface between the old building, the Royal Museum and the new.

The Armadillo

Emerald City

This month's ezine from top SF site Emerald City, hosted by the excellent Cheryl Morgan, has just come out. My mate Padraig, P-Con organiser, bookseller, graphic novel collector and Alan Moore expert has written a cracking review of V For Vendetta, which I highly recommend. Among the other goodies are a piece on style in literature by that very stylish Glasgow-based writer Hal Duncan, reviews of Ishiguro's Never Let Me Go (this month's Book Group choice incidentally), Mike Carey's Devil You Know (which I heard today is going to be made into a TV series by the same company who make Midsomer Murders, excellent news) and a review of the first two Complete Judge Dredd Case Files by little, ole' me. Obviously I do a lot of reviews and recommendations at work but it is nice to do the occassional full length review outside in an SF 'zine as well - the many I wrote for the Alien Online and other places helped me to get the job I do now after all and I enjoy it.

Tarsus Manifesto

I came across a really cool SF webcomic this week, the Tarsus Manifesto by Christopher Cocking. What I have read so far is very cool and stylish, easily as good as most print comics I see in my daily working life at Forbidden Planet - it seems like a nice cross of Warren Ellis' Transmetropolitan and Richard Morgan's Takeshi Kovacs novels - I'll be going back to check it regularly and hope it eventually makes the jump to print.

Bad hair day? Not for Cherie!

How hilarious was the story which emerged this week that Cherie Blair, at the Labour Party's expense, had a hairdresser at her beck and call all through the last election campaign to make her look presentable as she stood next to Tony. The bill came in at £7, 700 - that works out at £275 per day for Cherie's hair-do in the run up to the election. Considering she earns vast sums of money for opening her famously huge mouth on the international lecture circuit surely she can afford to pay her own hairdresser bills? Or is she so physically feeble the poor woman can't run a brush through her own hair, she needs a stylist every single day?? Labour spin doctors seem to think since they won the election then it was all worthwhile - are they suggesting that Labour won the last election on the strength of her hair???

Then again, it couldn't have been because of their record in office or their policies, maybe it was the hair... Coming on the back of the party donations to get on the honours list which is still rocking Labour it doesn't really help that so much of the money being raised for the election fund was used to fix Cherie's split ends. Did someone get an OBE for paying for Cherie's hairstylist? Of course, the biggest question we need answered now is this: if that was how Cherie looked after the daily ministrations of a stylist, how bad would she have looked without it??? Perhaps it was money worth spending...

The black hole

An astonishing looking animation is available on NASA's website illustrating the ripple of interacting gravity waves as two black holes merge together. Apparently previous attempts using complex mathematics just crashed computers repeatedly, but now they have managed to code it in a way acceptable to the computer, with quite remarkable results.

Muriel

Just getting ready to head through to Glasgow for Eastercon, the major British SF convention but caught the very sad headline that one of the great ladies of Scottish literature, Dame Muriel Spark, has passed away in the small Tuscan village where she had settled. It is always odd when a respected author leaves us because their books remain, a black and white immortality of letters and paragraphs, print and paper.

The morality of war

Flight Lt Malcolm Kendall -Smith, a doctor in the Royal Air Force was found guilty by a court martial for refusing to return to Iraq. The doctor's commitment to the RAF and his bravery cannot be in doubt since he has already served in this futile war twice before deciding after much soul-searching that the war and the conduct of allied personnel in Iraq was illegal and immoral under international law. After arriving at this conclusion he realised he could not serve again and tendered his resignation, refusing to serve in any capacity to further the war while awaiting the acceptance of his resignation.

Instead he was court-martialled and found guilty - he now faces prison and a dishonourable discharge for following the dictates of his morality. While I understand the requirement of any military force to maintain discipline and the chain of command we recruit well educated, intelligent officers so that they can make informed judgements. If orders are illegal then I cannot see how any officer or enlisted personnel can be expected to carry them out unquestioningly. Indeed both UK and US forces have taken personnel to courts martial who committed crimes while serving in Iraq, personnel who often claimed they were merely following instructions from higher sources which therefore meant that they were not legally responsible for their actions. They were rightly prosecuted for this, that feeble defence spurned.

Now the authorities flatly contradict this and seem to expect all orders, however immoral, to be followed without question. The phrase "I was only obeying orders" is one which haunts the memories of humanity and has been used all too often by individuals to avoid personal responsibility for their actions. It would have been simpler for the doctor to keep his head down and just follow these orders but he showed great courage in standing up for his principles. A man who will not stand by his morals is not a man and he is now suffering for this. It is no surprise since neither the armed forces nor the Blair government would approve of the doctor's moral stance since it calls into judgement their own lack of morality and the dubious legal status of the war (which Blair continues to confuse by refusing to publish the full text of the attorney general's legal judgement on the war). If he were found not guilty the spotlight would swing even brighter upon Blair's war crimes, so the doctor is made to suffer doubly to cover these men with no morals and no honour.

All in all the entire fiasco made me think on Shakespeare's Henry V act IV, before the battle of Agincourt where Henry in disguise walks among his men in the camp to take their measure before the desperate fight that will come. Some old soldiers seem to believe that they will not have to make a final reckoning with God if they fall on the morrow because it matters not if the cause is ill or good - if they are following their king then it is the king who must answer the final judgement for his actions and the actions of the men under him. Not so, points out the disguised Henry, for each must answer for his actions in life and before God in the final judgement. In other words, many centuries ago Shakespeare took the "I was only obeying orders" arguement and demolished it. Senior British officers of the type who sat in judgment are fond of quoting from Henry's speech before the battle in Henry V "he who sheds his blood with me today will be my brother" and so on; perhaps they need to read more of the Bard then reconsider their actions: "Every subject's duty is the king's; but every subject's soul is his own. ". A British officer should maintina the chain of command, but they are not automatons or robots and every person must be repsonsible for their own morals. If only our leaders had half the insight and courage of the doctor.


"KING HENRY V
I dare say you love him not so ill, to wish him here
alone, howsoever you speak this to feel other men's
minds: methinks I could not die any where so
contented as in the king's company; his cause being
just and his quarrel honourable.

WILLIAMS
That's more than we know.

BATES
Ay, or more than we should seek after; for we know
enough, if we know we are the kings subjects: if
his cause be wrong, our obedience to the king wipes
the crime of it out of us.

WILLIAMS
But if the cause be not good, the king himself hath
a heavy reckoning to make, when all those legs and
arms and heads, chopped off in battle, shall join
together at the latter day and cry all 'We died at
such a place;' some swearing, some crying for a
surgeon, some upon their wives left poor behind
them, some upon the debts they owe, some upon their
children rawly left. I am afeard there are few die
well that die in a battle; for how can they
charitably dispose of any thing, when blood is their
argument? Now, if these men do not die well, it
will be a black matter for the king that led them to
it; whom to disobey were against all proportion of
subjection.

KING HENRY V
So, if a son that is by his father sent about
merchandise do sinfully miscarry upon the sea, the
imputation of his wickedness by your rule, should be
imposed upon his father that sent him: or if a
servant, under his master's command transporting a
sum of money, be assailed by robbers and die in
many irreconciled iniquities, you may call the
business of the master the author of the servant's
damnation: but this is not so: the king is not
bound to answer the particular endings of his
soldiers, the father of his son, nor the master of
his servant; for they purpose not their death, when
they purpose their services. Besides, there is no
king, be his cause never so spotless, if it come to
the arbitrement of swords, can try it out with all
unspotted soldiers: some peradventure have on them
the guilt of premeditated and contrived murder;
some, of beguiling virgins with the broken seals of
perjury; some, making the wars their bulwark, that
have before gored the gentle bosom of peace with
pillage and robbery. Now, if these men have
defeated the law and outrun native punishment,
though they can outstrip men, they have no wings to
fly from God: war is his beadle, war is vengeance;
so that here men are punished for before-breach of
the king's laws in now the king's quarrel: where
they feared the death, they have borne life away;
and where they would be safe, they perish: then if
they die unprovided, no more is the king guilty of
their damnation than he was before guilty of those
impieties for the which they are now visited. Every
subject's duty is the king's; but every subject's
soul is his own. Therefore should every soldier in
the wars do as every sick man in his bed, wash every
mote out of his conscience: and dying so, death
is to him advantage; or not dying, the time was
blessedly lost wherein such preparation was gained:
and in him that escapes, it were not sin to think
that, making God so free an offer, He let him
outlive that day to see His greatness and to teach
others how they should prepare.

WILLIAMS
'Tis certain, every man that dies ill, the ill upon
his own head, the king is not to answer it."

Testament

Just before finishing up last night for the Easter weekend break (viva choccy eggs!) I received an email from an author well known to the online community, especially Boing Boing readers, Douglas Rushkoff. Doug has a comic series currently coming out from DC's mature readers imprint Vertigo called Testament: Adekah which explores the Bible and religion via information and knowledge theory. It's very intersting stuff and bound to annoy the hell out of some folks, especially in America, but since the sort of folks who find this offensive don't generally read a lot of comics - or indeed read that much at all I expect - and will probably condem it without reading it as they usually do who gives a damn what they think about it? I'm certainly intrigued and will be nabbing a copy of the graphic novel version when it comes out in July.



"When I wrote a book presenting the Bible as an "open source" collaboration, I was blacklisted by fundamentalists of more than one religion. They just didn't want their story messed with - even though I had been able to prove it was written with that very intent!

Businesspeople, religious people, educators, and publishers are all equally threatened and confounded by the idea that real stuff is actually occurring in the gaps between the moments that pass for history.

And that's when I realized the perfect place to tell what I've come to believe is the *real* story of the Bible: comics."

You can find the full text of Doug's thoughts on the Testament mini-series over on the FPI blog. Also on the cool graphic novels to watch for theme, Gilbert Hernandez, one half of the magnificent Los Bros Hernandez who brought us Love & Rockets, one of the most important series in independent comics (and one which appeals to many folks who don't usually read comics or graphic novels), has an original graphic novel coming out from DC this summer. Sloth follows a kid struggling with teen life who wills himself into a coma for a year, only to find things even weirder when he wakes up.



And on the more unsual comics front an autobiographical work is due this autumn from Marisa Marchetto; Cancer Vixen details her struggle as a Sex and the City type o' gal suddenly faced with her mortality when she is diagnosed with cancer. As the title implies she refuses to be a victim as she fights for her life and you have to admire a book with a tag line like this:

"Cancer, I'm going to kick your butt! And I'm going to do it in killer four-inch heels!"



Comics - they're a more diverse medium than most folks give them credit for.

Creepy baby ad

Is it just me or is the current advert for Velvet loo roll (you can see it here) with a baby in a business suit quite creepy? I assume it is meant to be kind of cute and make you think their loo roll is as soft as the proverbial baby's bum, but the way they have made the infant on the advert he looks dreadfully creepy. Actually, despite the childish voice the way the boy moves makes him look more like a dwarf, the rare variety who are perfectly proportioned (sorry, can't recall the proper term for that); in fact he reminds me of Harry Doll who, along with the Doll Family, worked the old carnival circuit in the US and appeared with other performers in Tod Browning's distubring 1930s horror film Freaks. Or perhaps the baby really is a businessman and starting work this early in life is the only way he can earn enough of a pension fund to retire before his 80th birthday (obviously not a public sector worker!).

Still on the advert front I was left giggling at the Special K ad, which, as ever, boasted the wonderful diet aspects of this tasteless cereal (sod the health, give me marshmallow bits in my cereal!) by showing us a skinny model in a red swimsuit who clearly needs to actually eat something, not diet. The bit that makes me giggle is the offer for a watch which tells you how many calories what you do is burning (of course I thought, what happens if you wear it during a good shagging session? If you found you had burned loads of cals would the women then decide they had to have more sex? We can but hope) and ends with 'see you by the pool' as she dives right in - straight after eating a bowl of Special K! Swimming right after eating??? Good grief! Those buggers at kellogs are trying to kill us!!! She isn't going to gain weight because she is going to get cramps and drown in the pool!

Sunday sailing

A small inter-island ferry sailing between the isles of the western seaboard of Scotland - nothing unusual there, surely? Ah, but this ferry was sailing on the Sabbath and the god-fearing folk of South Harris think this violation of the Lord's Day marks the Apocalypse. Yes, you may well be bemused by this - some sections or fragmentary offshoots of the Wee Free Kirk will not even shave on a Sunday because that is work - that in a 21st century advanced nation there are religious fundamentalists who think that even providing a ferry service between the islands on a Sunday is un-Godly. Some of these folks come from the same group who condemned one of their number a few years back for attending the funeral of a friend and colleague because the friend's service was Catholic and his ultra-protestant (read joyless and dour) sect is not allowed to even be present at a 'papist' ceremony. Very understanding, the true spirit of Christian brotherhood, tolerance, love and compassion...

However, each to their own and everyone is entitled to their religious belief, no matter most of us consider them nuttier than squirrel droppings, but surely if they so offended by this ferry operation on a Sunday then the answer is simply don't use it! But that doesn't give them the right to stop other people who do wish to use it. It is only a small thing, but it is indicative of a growing number of (usually very small) religious groups in the UK who when offended by something, instead of simply not taking part in it, demand that it is stopped entirely for the rest of us - the furore over Jerry Springer the Opera is but one example. Well, we don't live in a religious theocracy but a liberal democracy and that means everyone has freedom of thought and worship but not the right to take your system and impose it on others. If you are a fundamentalist and you are offended by a play, a song, a newspaper, a ferry crossing on Sundays then that's your business, but why don't you simply not take part in them?!?!?

Fizzers exhibition launch

I had the pleasure of attending the launch for the book and the art exhibition for Fizzers: Famous Scottish Faces Caricatured at the Scottish National Portrait Gallery on Friday evening. It's a cracking read with a wide range of subjects and it is even better to have the chance to see the original artwork in the gallery. As an old comics hand it was also terrific to see such support and recognition afforded to the genre, not least from the artistic establishment; the National Galleries of Scotland team did the boys of the Glasgow Cartoon Art Studio well and the turnout was terrific, including the actor Brian Cox, although I heard I was one of the few from the bookselling side of things to attend, which shows how much the booktrade has changed - when I first started publishers had to fend off booksellers trying to get into launches and grab free booze. Mel went along with me and was oblivious to the fact that Brian Cox was standing chatting to two ladies right behind her for ten minutes.

Over the last year I've reported on increasing instances of comic and cartoon art being accorded serious appreciation from the artistic establishment, with Robert Crumb's retrospective in London last year and a recent American exhibition of the work of Los Bros Hernandez, so it was a special pleasure to see a body like the National Galleries giving such support to cartoon artwork. The exhibition is terrific (it is now open to the public and runs until the start of July in the Scottish national Portrait Gallery on Queen Street, Edinburgh). The subjects range from contemporary to a bit older, from film stars and TV celebs to authors, sportsfolk and even other artists (the caricature of artist Peter Howson is especially clever, incorporating aspects of the artist's style into the cartoon).

On a personal note, as I was getting the six artists to sign their own caricatures in my copy of the book I found out that one of them, Edd, was the younger brother of a boy who used to play with me and my mates as boys back home. His dad - also something of an artist - was also there to see his lad's work hanging on the walls of the National Gallery. His dad still lives a few doors from my parent's home and he still recalled buying a second hand motorbike (a Matchless 650) from my dad years ago. He also talked to me about bumping into my Uncle Ian, my dad's old biker chum, recently - Uncle Ian, who isn't keeping too well I'm afraid, is a chum of his and my dad as well as father to my good mate Colin who I've known from school and who still hangs with me, Gordon, Bob and the rest of the gang when we can get together. It really is a small planet, isn't it?


Montmarte sur Dalry

Saturday morning - lashing rain and wind then heavy hailstones bouncing off the roof followed by bright, clear sunshine. Making the most of it I nipped out to the local shops to run some errands in the sunlight then had an enjoyable trawl through the charity stores, picking up a couple of second hand books of poetry, including one by Meg Bateman. Wandered over to the Old Bakehouse, the truly excellent pastry shop which has an art gallery down the spiral stairs (all minutes from my flat, terrific!) and braved the chilliness of the summer spring to have my first pavement cafe experience of the year, sitting outside in the sun, reading poetry, drinking coffee and eating a gorgeous choux pastry. You could almost convince yourself you were in a small backstreet cafe in Paris, although the Montmarte atmosphere is somewhat broken by the sight of hundreds of Hearts fans marching past on the way to a game! Still, it was highly enjoyable and very relaxing; minutes after I left for home the skies darkened and it started snowing! Rain, hail, sun and snow all inside a few hours - come visit scenic Edinburgh, land of contrasts and diversity...

Bird flu in Scotland

It was confirmed today that a swan found dead in Fife was the first case of Avian Flu in Scotland. The decayed body was found several days ago in the small town of Cellardyke, which gained its name when friendly townsfolk sheltered lesbians in their root cellars from persecution from god fearing Calvinists following the ministry of John Knox.

At first it was thought that the swan had been partially eaten; since the only person allowed to eat swans is the monarch there were concerns for the health of Her Majesty, although this has now proven baseless. Extensive laboratory tests showed the presence of H5N1, the infamous bird flu and this was confirmed by a bottle of Beecham's for Birds Max Strength Lemsip and a packet of Kleenex found near the body.

It is now speculated that the swan in question was actually a local-dwelling bird meaning it was infected by an incoming migrant bird. The Conservative party at once called for stronger restrictions on illegal immigrants.

Highly animated I

It's no secret that I love animation in all its myriad forms - I am, after all, a Seventh Day Cartoonist - and I was damned lucky to be sent a copy of Best of BAA Volume 6 (that's the British Animation Awards) to review after I had covered this year's shortlist then the actual winners over on the FPI blog. It isn't your mainstream animation for the most part, although there are clips and trailers from more commercial fare like Wallace and Gromit as well as winners selected by popular public vote for categories like best animated music video. It is, however, a fabulous collection of very different material using all sorts of animation techniques from the deceptively simple (plain white background, ink drawings) to CGI.

The sixth volume has just been released with the latest crop of winners on it along with the first three animations from Minema Cinema, which grew out of a workshop designed to teach schoolkids the fundamentals of scripting a play, writing dialogue etc, but not changing the kid's words or style, with the plays performed by professional actors. They had the bright idea of trying this out in animation and the sixth volume boasts the first three, with introductions by the kids (someone at 13 shouldn't be so damned talented!).



As with any form of compilation it is a fair old mix of styles and themes and rather than repeat myself I'd direct anyone interested in quality animation (and in supporting and nurturing new talent) to a much longer post on the series which I posted here on the FPI blog while I go off to watch some more because when I went back to work on Monday I had the wonderful surprise of some more Best of BAA which I had very kindly been sent (thanks to Jayne and the BAA folks who have their own site here) and am going to seriously enjoy watching.

Baghdad on the Sam Johnson

I'm delighted to say that the book version of Riverbend's excellent blog Baghdad Burning is on the Samuel Johnson prize shortlist, one of the most respected non fiction book awards in the UK. Well done!

ID Cards

There has been a lot of discussion about the Lords allowing the legisaltion on national ID cards to be pushed through, bringing this ill-conceived system closer to being imposed on the British citizens. This isn't some simple photo card with your address on it and it is time the bulk of the population woke up to this fact. Here is a summary from the No2ID site of what this system will bring upon our heads if we allow it (you may well say they are biased, but that does not invalidate this information - besides, do you trust the government with this?):

The proposed identity management system has multiple layers:

The NIR (National Identity Register) — individual checking and numbering of the population — marking many personal details as "registrable facts" to be disclosed and constantly updated — collection and checking of biometrics (e.g. fingerprints) — the card itself — a widespread scanner network and secure (one hopes) infrastructure connecting it to the central database — provision for use across the private and public sectors — data-sharing between organisations on an unprecedented scale.

Massive accumulation of personal data:

50 categories of registrable fact are set out in the Bill, though they could be added to. Effectively an index to all other official and quasi-official records, through cross-references and an audit trail of all checks on the Register, the NIR would be the key to a total life history of every individual, to be retained even after death.

Lifelong surveillance and the meta-database:

Every registered individual will be under an obligation to notify any change in registrable facts. It is a clear aim of the system to require identity verification for many more civil transactions, the occasions to be stored in the audit trail. Information verified and indexed by numbers from the NIR would be easily cross-referenced in any database or set of databases. The "meta-database" of all the thousands of databases cross-referenced is much more powerful and much less secure than the NIR itself.

Overseas ID cards are not comparable:

Many western countries that have ID cards do not have a shared register. Mostly ID cards have been limited in use, with strong legal privacy protections. In Germany centralisation is forbidden for historical reasons, and when cards are replaced, the records are not linked. Belgium has made use of modern encryption methods and local storage to protect privacy and prevent data-sharing, an approach opposite to the Home Office's. The UK scheme is closest to those of some Middle Eastern countries and of the People's Republic of China—though the latter has largely given up on biometrics.

Terrorism:

ID does not establish intention. Competent criminals and terrorists will be able to subvert the identity system. Random outrages by individuals can't be stopped. Ministers agree that ID cards will not prevent atrocities. A blank assertion that the department would find it helpful is not an argument that would be entertained for fundamental change in any other sphere of government but national security. Where is the evidence? Research suggests there is no link between the use of identity cards and the prevalence of terrorism, and in no instance has the presence of an identity card system been shown a significant deterrent to terrorist activity. Experts attest that ID unjustifiably presumed secure actually diminishes security.

Illegal immigration and working:

People will still enter Britain using foreign documents—genuine or forged—and ID cards offer no more deterrent to people smugglers than passports and visas. Employers already face substantial penalties for failing to obtain proof of entitlement to work, yet there are only a handful of prosecutions a year.

Benefit fraud and abuse of public services:

Identity is "only a tiny part of the problem in the benefit system." Figures for claims under false identity are estimated at £50 million (2.5%) of an (estimated) £2 billion per year in fraudulent claims.

"Identity fraud":

Both Australia and the USA have far worse problems of identity theft than Britain, precisely because of general reliance on a single reference source. Costs usually cited for of identity-related crime here include much fraud not susceptible to an ID system. Nominally "secure", trusted, ID is more useful to the fraudster. The Home Office has not explained how it will stop registration by identity thieves in the personae of innocent others. Coherent collection of all sensitive personal data by government, and its easy transmission between departments, will create vast new opportunities for data-theft.

Computer system:

IT providers find that identity systems work best when limited in design. The Home Office scheme combines untested technologies on an unparalleled scale. Its many inchoate purposes create innumerable points for failure. The government record with computer projects is poor, and the ID system is likely to end up a broken mess.

Biometrics:

Not all biometrics will work for all people. Plenty are missing digits, or eyes, or have physical conditions that render one or more biometrics unstable or hard to read. All systems have error. Deployment on a vast scale, with variably trained operators and variably maintained and calibrated equipment, will produce vast numbers of mismatches, leading to potentially gross inconvenience to millions.

No ceiling:

The Government has not ventured figures for the cost to the country as whole of the identity management scheme. That makes evaluation difficult. Civil Service IT experience suggests current projections are likely to be seriously underestimated. Home Office figures are for internal costs only, and have risen sharply—where they are not utterly obscure. Industry estimates suggest that public and private sector compliance costs could easily be double whatever is spent centrally.

Opportunity costs:

The Government has not even tried to show that national ID management will be more cost-effective than less spectacular alternative, targeted, solutions to the same problems (whether tried and tested or novel). We are to trust to luck that it is.

Taxpayer pain:

Even at current Home Office estimates, the additional tax burden of setting up the scheme will be of the order of £200 per person. The direct cost to individuals (of a combined passport and ID card package) is quoted as £93. The impact on other departmental and local authority budgets is unknown. The scope and impact of arbitrary penalties would make speed cameras trivial by comparison.

Broad delegated power:

The Home Office seeks wide discretion over the future shape of the scheme. There are more than 30 types of regulatory power for future Secretaries of State that would change the functions and content of the system ad lib. The scope, application and possible extension are extra-parliamentary decisions, even if nominally subject to approval.

Presumption of accuracy:

Data entered onto the National Identity Register (NIR) is arbitrarily presumed to be accurate, and the Home Secretary made a judge of accuracy of information provided to him. Meanwhile, the Home Office gets the power to enter information without informing the individual. But theres no duty to ensure that such data is accurate, or criterion of accuracy. Personal identity is implicitly made wholly subject to state control.

Compulsion by stealth:

Even during the so-called "voluntary phase", the Home Secretary can add any person to the Register without their consent, and categories of individuals might be compelled selectively to register using powers under any future legislation. Anyone newly applying for a passport or other "designated document", or renewing an existing one, will automatically have to be interviewed and submit all required details. This is less a phased introduction than a clandestine one. There is to be no choice. And the minimum of notice to the public about the change in the handling of their registrable information.

Limited oversight:

As proposed, the National Identity Scheme Commissioner would have very limited powers and is excluded from considering a number of key issues. He does not even report directly to Parliament. The reliance on administrative penalties means severe punishments may be inflicted without judicial process. The onus is on the individual to seek relief from the courts, at a civil standard of proof. Those who most require the protection of a fair trial are the least likely to be able to resort to legal action.

Individuals managed by executive order:

Without reference to the courts or any appeals process, the Home Secretary may cancel or require surrender of an identity card, without a right of appeal, at any time. Given that the object of the scheme is that an ID card will be eventually required to exercise any ordinary civil function, this amounts to granting the Home Secretary the power of civic life and death.

Discrimination—no guarantees:

There have been vapid "assurances" made to some minority groups. That underlines the potential for threat. The system offers a ready-made police-state tool for a future government less trustworthy than the current one. A Home Secretary could create classifications of individuals to be registered as he sees fit, introducing onerous duties backed by severe penalties for fractions of the population. Religious or ethnic affiliation, for example, could be added to the Register by regulation—or be inferred by cross-referencing other information using a National Identity Register Number or associated data.

"Papers, please":

ID cards in practice would provide a pretext for those in authority—public or private—to question individuals who stand out for reasons of personal appearance or demeanour. This is likely to exacerbate divisions in society. The Chairman of the Bar Council has asked, "is there not a great risk that those who feel at the margins of society—the somewhat disaffected—will be driven into the arms of extremists?"

Third party abuse:

The requirement that all those registered notify all changes in details risks creating the means of tracking and persecution through improper use of the database. A variety of persons have good reason to conceal their identity and whereabouts; for example: those fleeing domestic abuse; victims of "honour" crimes; witnesses in criminal cases; those at risk of kidnapping; undercover investigators; refugees from oppressive regimes overseas; those pursued by the press; those who may be terrorist targets. The seizure of ID cards (like benefit-books and passports now) will become a means for extortion by gangsters.

Lost identity, becoming an un-person:

By making ordinary life dependent on the reliability of a complex administrative system, the scheme makes myriad small errors potentially catastrophic. There's no hint from the government how it will deal with inevitably large numbers of mis-identifications and errors, or deliberate attacks on or corruption of what would become a critical piece of national infrastructure. A failure in any part of the system at a check might deny a person access to his or her rights or property or to public services, with no immediate solution or redress—"license to live" withdrawn.

Scary, isn't it? This isn't going to do one damned thing to improve our national security or prevent credit fraud or identity theft. It will however allow all sorts of government departments, from the security services to the social services to intrude upon and monitor your life in a detailed manner which would make the dictators of Orwell's 1984 orgasm in delight. No government should have this level of information and power over citizens and I can see no good excuse for a democrati state to bring this in - and even better, to make us pay for it as well. And this is assuming the system works - such a vast database is unlikely to prove terribly secure, especially as it will be shared with so many government departments and other institutions which must make it more vulnerable to unauthorised access - and with the track record of government implementing huge IT projects who thinks for a moment this will work? Or that it will come in on time and budget and not be full of flaws which the taxpayer will keep on shelling out to fix? Think on all that personal, financial, health, tax, judicial and biometric data on you being held in this database.

Plus the nice fact we will have to pay to buy one of these ridiculous cards - and despite being told we will not be forced to take them if we do not wish, it is increasingly clear the government is planning to make sure so many people will be forced to do just that (for instance you will have to get an ID card when you renew your pasport in a few years) until it will become the norm to have one and we will all find we cannot function without one because even opening a new bank account will require the card. Add in the unchecked growth of the police's DNA database which continues to hold samples on many thousands of people who have never committed or even been charged with any crime (including many under the age of 16) and this represents a frankly terrifying growth in the government's ability to track and interfere in the private life of law-abiding citizens in a supposedly free society.

I wrote the brief letter below to my MP, the government minister Alastair Darling, who has a strong record of supporting this legislation. If like me you live in his constituency then I urge you to let him know how you feel - he is there after all to represent the people of this constituency, not Tony Blair's latest 'legacy' project. For other UK residents you can go to the Parliament website and find your local MP's details and an email contact form (unfortunately Mr Darling hasn't seen fit to invest in even a basic website) you can use to communicate your concerns to them with. This is a real threat to civil liberties in the UK and unless people wake up to this and make it damned clear to their MPs how they feel and the fact that those same MPs will be out of a job because we won't vote for them if they don't listen to us then we will end up with it being imposed on us. Take responsibility and write to your MP about this now.

My email to my local MP is below and is briefer than I would like because the email form doesn't allow for many characters - if Alastair Darling had a proper website and email address (as you would expect a representative to have in 2006 for goodness sake, especially given the government he is a part of has spent a lot of money trying to convince us all to go broadband) I would have been able to expand on it:

"Dear Sir,

I am writing to you to express my alarm and dismay at the ongoing attempt to inflict the National ID Card system upon the citizens of this country, something I believe you have been strong in supporting, much to my disappointment.

I would like you to explain to me exactly how you think this imposed system will make my life as one of your constituents safer and better. The government has used the Fear card once more, telling us that this system is essential to help combat terrorism, but appears unable to offer concrete evidence to prove this assertion. I cannot conceive how this system would have helped to present the atrocities in London for example, or how ID cards would prevent further terrorism from home-grown sources. If, heaven forbid, a Scottish person decided to stand next to the Scott Monument and blow themselves up for a political or religious act, exactly how would ID cards help to stop this? As a citizen this person would presumably have a valid ID card, so please explain to me how this helps counter terrorism? And if it is a terrorist from abroad it seems more than likely that fake identification can be used and I fail to see how this national system will really stop that.

The government has also played the spectre of identity theft, yet countries such as the USA which rely more on single 'trusted' sources of identification suffer a higher rate of crime in this sphere than we do. Won't this centralised system exacerbate the problem you claim it will help solve?

I am also extremely alarmed at the rather misleading claims that we will not be forced to take ID cards if we do not wish to, yet it is becoming increasingly clear that this is exactly what we will be forced to do. Add to this the enormous amount of investment this system will require from the public purse (and given past government debacles in implementing large IT projects this will rise and rise no doubt as well as running beyond the target date for completion and be full of flaws) and the fact that I will also be required to then pay for an ID card I do not approve of and which represents an intolerable intrusion by the state into my personal life and you have a complete mess of a system being put together and forced upon the public at huge cost, with enormous potential risk to civil liberties and data security and no great gain.

Again I cannot understand why you consider this to be a good thing and why the government seems so determined to force this legislation upon citizens, many of whom do not want it and why statements are made that they will not me mandatory, yet the system will be set up in such a way that most citizens will be forced to pay for a card (on top of the cost to the taxpayer for the system) by the back door when they take out a new passport?

Yours,

Joe Gordon"