Christmas

Apologies for the gap between posts, but I’ve been busy with last minute Xmas shopping, then back off to the outskirts of Glasgow for a nice time at my parents. While there I also took the opportunity to visit my dear uncle - known to most of the family as ‘the Comrade’; he’s old school socialist with a human face and has proudly worn this alternative moniker I dubbed him with many moons ago.

I was warned by everyone to brace myself for his appearance, because he has deteriorated so much even since my previous visit two week ago. One of my cousins up visiting from the Deep South of England (land of thatched cottages) hadn’t seen him for many months, certainly not since the Big C came back with a vengeance and was so shocked she couldn’t stay long in his room. I can’t blame her for that - he’s wasting away before our eyes and growing weaker every day; frankly I was surprised he was still there, I had the horrible feeling that my previous visit would prove to be the last time I saw him alive. That’s a bloody horrible feeling - worse for my Canadian uncle over to visit his dying brother and knowing full well that it would be the last week he would get to spend with him.

So I braced myself and did my best not to let it show when I was with him, or round my poor mother who is fighting to stay together to help my aunt look after her husband, my mother’s big brother. Again we managed to swap jokes and share some laughs (the sense of humour must be up there with love as our finest defence mechanism), despite his voice growing weaker and fainter, as if every faculty is slowly winding down for him now, except his eyes which still shine. Lord knows what is keeping him going - he always was a tall, broad built, strong man with a good constitution; it is what helped him fight this awful disease the first time round, but now it is as much a liability since it is prolonging the inevitable. Part of me likes to think that he tried his level best to hold on through the holidays so as not to ruin Xmas for the family. Sheer speculation I know, but it would be very much in keeping with his selfless attitude and since no-one can prove such conjecture either way I choose to think it.

So I did manage to keep it together and spent some good time with the Comrade over my days back home. Between those visits, being around my beloved parents and seeing so more of my cousins and aunts than I have in ages (perhaps a positive aspect to all of this) I managed to keep it together, although I did fall apart in the car as my Dad drove me home after Xmas. We were just talking about it and the damned thing up and overwhelmed me, the sheer unfairness of this happening to such a good man. As regular readers know I’m not religious, but the Comrade is a devout Catholic (his absence at the special Xmas Eve mass finally drove it home to my poor aunt that his days were really coming to an end). If I hadn’t lost faith in any god decades ago I would now - he’s a good man, never missed mass in his life, did good work for the church… What sort of reward is this for any god to show to such a faithful follower? I know, life simply isn’t fair and bad things happen to good people, it rains on the just and the unjust, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it and it still doesn’t make it right. Naturally I keep such observations to myself - not really the time or place to air them around my uncle, aunt or mother (watching what this does to her is as hurtful as the thought of losing the Comrade).

Despite this we actually had some good times over Christmas. Spending time with my folks is always good (I am a very, very lucky boy in that respect). My mother’s home cooking was the highlight of course and naturally I did my best to eat absolutely everything she put out on the table until it felt like I’d swallowed a cannonball. Main veggie course for me was a gorgeous terrine of wild mushrooms, two types of cheese, two types of nuts and spiced potatoes, with an accompanying (and also home-made of course) spicy tomato sauce. My mum’s cooking skills are matched only by her baking skills (she is the official maker of cakes to the family) and her meringues crunched delicately under my spoon…mmmmmmm……

My birthday arrives tomorrow, on Hogmanay when I will be - ahem - years old, although I’m not especially in a birthday or New Years kind of mood really. Will try and post something slightly less depressing later on - its hard to talk about this stuff but equally hard not to talk about it, if you know what I mean. Hopefully go for a complete subject change when I next post (actually I wasn’t even going to write what I did today, but it just kind of came out and I feel a little better for that. I know all too many of you have loved ones who have endured or fallen to cancer as well, so you know where I’m coming from) - perhaps it is that time to do a review of the year (the one just ending, not next year; I would review 2006 for you now but I promised the Time Lords I wouldn’t monkey around with causality anymore)? Pick a few best of an worst of movies and books from the last twelve months, maybe some events - anyone wanting to add their own best or worst ofs for 2005 feel free to post (on which note I apologise for having to make the Woolamaloo comments non-anonymous, but I was getting some awful hate comments from some right-wing neo-nazi thugs for an earlier posting, and, as always with nasty folk, posted behind the cowardly ‘anonymous’ mask, so I had to withdraw that facility - apologies to the majority who used it for constructive purposes).

Giving is good...

...As they say. Last year instead of traditional present for some folk I knew I wouldn't see for a while because they live far away from me and haivng it lying around the flat for ages until I next saw them I logged on to Oxfam Unwrapped and bought some charity gifts in their name. This year several of my friends and I all decided that we had more than enough junk already and that instead we'd buy each other charity gifts. So some of us are buying gifts which then get donated to the likes of the Salvation Army to be distributed to folk who don't normally get presents, some are taking out a monthly donation to a charity in a friend's name and some are buying charity gifts online. Bit late for Christmas now, but if you have any late gift buying to do for friends or relatives that you may not see until after the big day then think about doing one or two of them this way - Oxfam Unwrapped have a good range of ideas and prices and they will send a card to the person you bought it for to tell them what has been given in their name. This time of year is supposed to be about giving, regardless of your religious inclinations (or lack thereof) that's not a bad thing to recall from time to time in our consumerist society.

Do I really need another movie on DVD or would I rather my friend bought a gift from Oxfam in my name that is going to help someone somewhere in the world who isn't going to a nice family home for the holidays to be with loving parents and eat more home-cooked food than some parts of the world see in a month? I'm not saying don't buy any traditional presents of course and like anyone else I fancy a look at the Janaury Sales - its nice to give and receive those too - but if even a quarter of us took the charity route for but a handful of our seasonal gifts splurge we'd make the world a little better, feel better about ourselves, make the person in whose name we give it feel good, be a little less consumerist and help someone who needs it far more than most of us. I'm not preaching here or trying to tell anyone what they should do, but as a suggestion I think that's a win-win all round, don't you?

Solstice

The shortest day of the year and - a vampire's delight - the longest night, the Winter Solstice. A huge, glowing moon in the sky this morning when I woke up, with the rising sun beginning its ascent in the eastern sky at the same time as that as that shining moon descended in the west. A very ancient celebration, especially here in the British Isles, with many of the components and traditions absorbed by those pesky Christians (get your own traditions you spongers!!!) including such 'Christmas' staples as mistletoe (a Druidic staple as all Asterix readers know).

Partly a religious observation and a way of marking the seasons for our ancestors, it was also a good excuse to brighten up the long, cold nights of the Celtic winter by having a big-ass part with plenty of food, dancing and drink. So, not a lot of change there then, really for modern Scots. On which score I've tried not to let my nasty cold get in the way of catching up with chums this week for some drinks and food before Christmas hits. Or, as in tonight, combining food and drink in the same place - good company, fine ale and some warm grub on a cold night, life's simple pleasures. Happy Solstice everyone.

CNN

You may recall that a few weeks ago I recorded an interview for CNN for a programme on the freedom of expression online. I haven't actually heard from them since then as to when the programme was going out, but this morning my chum George got in touch to send me this link to CNN's page, where, lo and behold, there is an article based on some of the interviews in the programme, including myself. I do hope this doesn't mean I've missed the programme!

My friend Cheryl, on reading this, sent me a link to an interesting related item where Brian Turner is facing a possible court case by a nasty company who want to sue his company and him personally over comments by disappointed customers of that company on his discussion forum. Nothing derogatory, just complaints from unsatisfied customers - however this company seems to think that customers are allowed to make comments and anyone who allows them should be bullied (and let's face it, that's what this is - bullying people and abusing their freedom of expression). Good luck to you, Brian, but a shame you need to go through this. As I said on the CNN interview, one of the biggest threats to our freedom of expression online today isn't from governmental interference but from corporations. Corporations that haven't realised that this kind of action backfires on them because it will line them up for ridicule and criticism online and that isn't going to help you get new customers.

Intelligent Judgement

From the excellent New Scientist team:

"Pennsylvania science teachers will not be forced to advocate "intelligent design" after a judge ruled that that the theory is really religion in disguise.

Judge John Jones of the United States District Court for the Middle District of Pennsylvania ruled that intelligent design - which bills itself as a scientific theory and states that life shows signs of being the work of an intelligent designer - is in fact reworked creationism."

Thank smeg someone in the juidicial system realises what a crock this Intelligent Design (a rather oxymoronic label) nonsense is. Now if someone wants to believe in Creationism then I believe they are perfectly entitled to do so - we're all allowed to make our own stupid mistakes after all, and I reserve the right to think they are incredibly stupid, supertitious peasants one step away from panicking about the sky falling on their head or dropping off the edge of the world or decrying books which claim the Earth is not the centre of the solar system.

If you want to believe that, go ahead - I think you're crazy for taking the word of a book which has been edited and reinterpreted and translated, often by groups with an agenda to push over years of solid, scientific research and evidence, but hey, you are free to choose. Just don't try and push it on everyone else. And when that fails, don't try to dress it up in a new frock and try to sell it to us in such a sneaky manner - it smacks of both desperation and malicious manipulation: we can't convince people with logical argument (because our argument isn't terribly logical and has nothing to back it up) so we will try and trick you.

Newsnight had two people on recently on this subject, one an advocate of ID, the other opposed to having it in schools in the US. The opponent was not a scientist but a pastor, who believed in the Bible but also in the constitution which seperates church and state and said clearly, as a minister of the Lord, he thought this was the same old Creationism in a new set of clothes (they used to be the Emperor's New Clothes) and had no place being taught in schools, let alone being put alongside science teaching. Honestly, have these ID eejits never studied the Gospels of Saint Bill of Hicks? Don't make me quote the "what about the dinosaurs" parable of the Great Man again!

Rock On With Jet City Rednecks

My mate and colleague Paul has a groovy website set up for his rock band here. I was listening to it while I worked today and unlike most band websites where you can listen to just a couple of sample tracks, the Jet City Rednecks have a whole gig for you to listen to. Pretty much all covers, I must admit, but they are all rock standards that anyone who has ever messed around in a band will recongnise and think, yeah we used to play that in my mate's garage/flat/rehersal room (I remember a few from my band days myself. Jet City Rednecks, proving that there is more to Leicester than a dead King Richard and red cheese! Rock on!

Talent shows

It is a bit depressing to me that two of the highest rated shows on UK TV the last few weekends have been talent shows: Strictly Come Dancing on the Beeb and X-Factor on ITV. One lot of amateurs and professionals competing in ballroom dancing, week after week while on the other a panel of snide judges belittle a bunch of wannabe pop stars (like we need to encourage any more talentless pop stars). Is it just me being cynical (who, me?) or is this the sort of exercise you expect at some old Hi-De-Hi style holiday camp? However, they pulled in many millions of viewers, so what next to keep pulling in those goggle-eyed boob-tube watchers? Well, we all know skin sells, so perhaps the next natural step for these talent shows will be:

The Sex Factor; hopeful amateurs line up each week to perform a variety of hardcore sexual acts in the hope of winning through to the grand final and a contract with a major adult entertainment, becoming major porno stars. The BBC counters with Stricly Cum Fencing in which the trickiest part of pornographic films is covered as one hopeful amateur is paired with one professional as they try to create a variety of inventive 'money shots'.

And before you all groan and say what a dirty minded little sod I am, yes I know (and let's be honest, most of you too are, you just don't admit it as much!). And also I would ask to to consider that the above is a little jest, but in parts of the Japanese or Italian cable media they may very well already be real shows...

Sniffle

Well, after a few weeks of seeing lots of the folk around me going down with cold or flu symptoms I finally caught it myself over the weekend, leaving me very bunged up and, worst of all, dog-tired because the damned cough kept waking me up (along with the delightful cotton mouth feeling because your nose is blocked and you've been breathing through your mouth until it dries out, yeugh). I've used more tissues than the British Onanist Olympic Squad today, but at least I got some sleep eventually. The cats were very supportive as usual, regarding me with their shining eyes then rolling over to expose their tummies to remind me I may be feeling awful, but that is no reason not to tickle their tums.

(Censored) Turkey for Christmas

Following from the earlier post on the levels of censorship our own government will stoop to (isn't that illegal under the European Human Rights legislation?) comes this news about Orhan Pamuk, the bestselling Turkish writer. His crime? He made comments in a newspaper interview in which he criticised certain aspects of the Turkish government and older horrors hidden in history which no-one in Turkey is supposed to talk about. Criticising the authorities or in any way denigrating Turkish identity is a crime.

These are very broad terms which could be interpreted and applied in almost any way the government sees fit to stifle free speech, somewhat like the 'bringing the company into disrepute' charge I had to deal with a few months back; it can mean anything and you are at the mercy of those who made the rules as to how they interpet it. It just occurred to me as I write that it was around this time last year that a certain manager had me sent home suspended and a certain company tried to set up a disciplinary hearing a couple of days before Xmas in a nice Dickensian touch - the union sorted them out on that score - although I couldn't blog about it until after the hearing in January where I was fired.

Not that I am comparing my case to Ohran's in any but the broadest strokes - I certainly wasn't in danger of going to prison for speaking my mind unlike this famous novelist, or many bloggers in countries like Iran. That said this attempt to stifle free expression has similarly resulted in something of an own-goal for those authorities in the form of much publicity and subsequent condemnation around the world, starting with the literary community and spreading outwards to everyone else who reads of it (and indeed is free to read about it and free to comment on it).

Since the Turkish government is very keen to join the European Community this could be seen as not only a moral morass but a practical error of judgement. Many other writers have faced the courts in this country, but Ohran has such international standing, being both a critical and bestselling success, that this has become noticed by the international community. Some EU members of parliament, already uneasy at the thought of a large Muslim country with a dreadful human rights record (Turkey has more cases outstanding for human rights abuse than all other nations in Europe put together) and a repressive regime which stifles free speech have seized upon this. Although I doubt the idiots in charge in Turkey (hey, I'm denigrating you, what are you going to do about it?) want to surrender any of the repressive powers they have gathered to themselves we can only hope high profile cases like this and the pressure it creates from the EU will force them to reform into a more democratic and liberal society if they wish admittance to the EU.

Isn't it interesting that 21 years after 1984 has come and gone so many of those in authority, both corporate and government, are still thinking in terms of Orwell's Big Brother. From Henry banning the Bible in English to the imprisoning of poets in the Soviet era (Vaclav Havel, anyone?), the detention, torture and murder of 'intelligentsia' to new acts like that in the earlier post enacted to 'protect' us from terrorism by denying our rights, the face of Big Brother is the same - strip away the cosmetic surgery of PR and spin doctoring and it is the same, dour face.

What Big Brother doesn't understand - indeed has never understood - is that the little people he steps on are not little single souls to be crushed underfoot with no consequences. Little Brother has many other Little Brothers and Sisters who he shares with and they with him. From Gutenberg's printing press to the web and blogs the ability of individuals and small groups to reach larger audiences in many nations those in authority have striven to control the medium, the speech and so the thought of their people. It has never worked. In our interconnected world it is even less successful, with such abuses as Ohran's quickly reported and debated in many languages around the world.

Many in the cyberpunk genre are fond of saying that information yearns to be free. This is true as far as it goes, but really it it the thoughts behind that information which yearns to be free - and what are our writings, be they blogs or novels, but the formal construction and articulation of our thoughts, set in a medium in which others can read, share and debate with those thoughts, often without ever meeting the person who generated them. Language is the birthright of all human beings - it is wired into that remarkable mechanism, the human brain; just look at small infant trying to speak, trying to understand the world and express it. It allows us to construct ideas and express them, from spiritual and philosophical insights to the telling of tales, language is the very essence of our humanity; to restrict the freedom of expression is to attempt to neuter and control language, which is a direct assault on one of the most fundamental human faculties. The ability to speak freely against those in authority is the civilised world's equivalent of a gargoyle on a medieval cathedral or the mirror shield of Perseus, reflecting back the evil against itself, the one thing it cannot face.

Okay, I'll come down off my high horse before the saddle starts to chafe my thighs, but I make no apologies for going on perhaps a little too far above - this sort of thing incenses me and has done all my life, right from being a small boy reading history and learning of the burning of books by Nazis. I'm angry - bloody furious. There are many websites out there and books too that I dislike intensely, but the thought of banning them, imprisoning the writers or burning the books is horrific to me. It is still going on in the 21st century, even on the doorstep of Europe (and even in our own democratic countries), so use your voice Little Brother, Little Sister - it is and always has been our one true defence against the oppressors and deniers of freedom. They repress because, despite their powers, their police, their censorship and laws they are scared of us. They should be. I think I'm going to have to go and re-read V For Vendetta again (if you have never read it, I highly recommend it - it is, in some ways, the graphic novel equal of 1984). Read and think and talk; use your language skills, they are the sharpest tools any human was ever given.

The Law is an Ass

I missed this outrageous story about a draconian law being used to stifle freedom of speech in the UK - fortunately Yvonne had posted on it so I picked it up eventually. Isn't it nice to know our elected leaders, the police and the judiciary are so terrified of the voice of peaceful protest that they will stoop to these extremes? I wonder if they will try to amend these laws to include blogs? Actually since the law prohibits unauthorised protests anywhere near Parliament (or the House of Shame as Private Eye refers to it) I wonder if you sat near Westminister with a WiFi laptop and blogged a protest would that get you arrested?

Religious censorship

I missed this story last week when I was off for a few days and just picked it up via Neil Gaiman's blog - the Religious Holier-Than-Thou twonks who know what is best for us (don't they always?) have put pressure on a couple of large UK retailers over sales of the Jerry Springer: the Opera. After managing to get many stage versions of the show cancelled did Woolworths or Sainsbury's stand up for freedom from censorship and for the vast majority of their customers to exercise their rights to choose for themselves what they wished to view as adults? Hell, no they caved in faster than an Italian army. A programme, which, incidentally has already been aired on national network television, not some little cult programme which no-one had heard of.

I seem to recall around this time last year I was blogging on some small, extreme Christian cults who were doing their best to get stage shows closed down they didn't agree with. It is all reminiscent of the outrageous attacks religious figures (mainstream rather than cult in this case) made on Monty Python's Life of Brian back in the 70s (of course, today we don't remember those idiots much but the Pythons are immortal - and Brit comedy took its own revenge in a spoof of the chat show where Palin and Cleese defended their movie and adult's right to choose their own entertainment in a delicious Not The Nine 'o Clock News sketch).

There is always some small minded person trying to tell us what we can read, what we can watch - Harry Potter promots witchcraft, this book is contrary to Aryan supremacy, this EC horror comic corrupts children, this 80s slasher movie turns viewers into de-sensitised killers, Marilyn Manson songs are what make kids shoot other kids. It isn't about that - it never was. It isn't about sex or violence (if it was we'd have to ban the Bible and a fair chunk of Shakespeare and Chaucer too) either. It is about a small group who want to control what we think and how we express ourselves. That's what Threadworths and Stainsbury's (every little help, sez chirpy Jamie Oliver - oh, yeah, Mockney Boy? Want to buy a dodgy DVD then?) caved into, so guess what? I'm going to censor my money! My money isn't allowed to buy anything from these craven, cowardly companies.

Conspiracies

There was an interesting show on Channel 4 this evening on the Opus Dei movement which Dan Brown has made a lot of book sales from as one of the central players in the Da Vinci Code. It was reasonably even-handed in dispelling the nonsense in that tosh but also raised more potential worries (where does their money come from, how did their founder come to sainthood so quickly?). However, I am not really worried about Dan Brown's fictional mumblings or the real Opus Dei. No, there are even more worrying cults out there that haven't received the glare of publicity from international bestsellers.



Oldest of these two cults is the sinister organisation known as Doris Day. Like Opus Dei it is an apparently harmless organisation based around charitable works and a beatific central figure, in this case Saint Doris of Day. Members sing happy songs and promote a conservative, 1950s lifestyle. However, behind this wholesome image of clean-cut, old-fashioned American values and happy songs some say the Doris Day movement is secretly corrupting youth, teaching them that it is good for young, blonde women to have relationships with hunky men who are secretly gay. The cult strictly divides the roles for men and women in their organisation, with the women - or Dorises - taking on traditionally 'womanly' roles such a singing while doing housework and the men - or Rocks as they are referred to - pursue manly virtues such a driving sportscars and buggery.



A more modern cult is Opus Penguin, based around the teachings of the Guru Berk Breathed with Opus the Penguin as the central figure, aided by his faithful minister Bill the Cat. Some critics have declared that Opus and Berk have used the medium of cartoons to reach impressionable youths - the Catholic Church is especially worried about this, although it is not clear if this is because of genuine desires to protect youngsters from the evils of comics or because it cuts into their recruitment market. Other cartoon-based groups, such as the Seventh Day Larsonists say that there is nothing sinister about Opus Penuin, themselves or any other cartoonist cults such as the Church of Saint Charles of Schulz or the Sacred Lasagne of Garfield, but others have linked Opus Penguin to the rash of beatings of street mimes by olive loaves.

Piracy

I am sick to the back teeth with bloody anti-piracy statements and adverts from far too many movie and music organisations. Not only do we get these self-important (usually two-part as well) messages before every single film in the cinema they now add in another bit (sometimes more than one) during the adverts/trailers run before the movie. The current one in the UK usually goe along the lines of "The cinema won't be the only place you can see King Kong/Narnian/Insert blockbuster here. Some people will choose to watch a pirate copy; the picture will be smaller, the image less clear... Movie piracy is a crime, don't buy pirate DVDs".

Er, I am not buying a pirated DVD I am sitting here IN A BLOODY CINEMA!!! Why are you preaching about avoiding piracy and supporting cinema to people who have made the effort to go out and pay to go to a theatrical screening???? I am supporting cinema and also getting pissed off at being preached to by these tossers when I do so. Even worse some DVDs now carry similar adverts - which is kind of redundant given I've bought the damned DVD which carries a warning against picking up pirate discs.... Jeez, no wonder some folk go for piracy.

Still, I enjoyed March of the Penguins (only my third movie of my week off), despite the eejit behind me who had brought his small child with him, who appeared to be about three years old. That's just too wee to be at a full length movie and, of course, the wee guy couldn't keep his trap shut and continually talked, driving me mad. His father did try shushing him a few times but later started talking to him instead, pointing out interesting events on the screen to the child - no wonder the toddler doesn't know to keep his mouth shut in a cinema if this is the example his stupid father sets. The kid finally went quiet halfway through - I found out at the end it was because he had fallen asleep...

I hate people who make noises and talk through movies and bringing a kid so young and fidgety (happily kicking seats and climbing up and down those seats as well as talking) is just stupid and very inconsiderate to the rest of the audience. I don't blame the wee boy, he doesn't know any better, but the father is an arse. And, dammit, I had neglected to bring my usual bottle of ether with me that I normally carry for such occassions. I was off donating blood earlier in the afternoon and didn't want the hospital folk thinking I'd pinched the ether from their labs.

Third visit since mid January this year, so not bad going; I got back into the habit of going to the Blood Donor clinic when I was briefly unemplyoyed this year. The clinic is near the job centre I had to go to and since having to sign-on for the first time in my life was a depressing act I decided to do something positive and off I went, not having donated in several years. Long way to go to match a bloke who was on the couch next to me when I was in over the summer though - he was on his 63rd donation; if I hadn't already removed it when I entered the building I'd have taken my hat off to him. Good news is that the Edinburgh clinic was very busy with a good mix of returning donators like myself and new folk signing up - good to see.

But much of the blood has a relatively short shelf-life and the Xmas season often sees more demand and lower supply, so if donating blood is something you've been thinking about doing, now is a good time to do it. Most of the local clinics do late nights as well so you can just drop by on the way home - it doesn't hurt at all and it doesn't take long to do. And they always have nice choccy biccies for you too munch afterwards (well, they insist you drink and snack afterwards) and the good folk in the Edinburgh clinic always have Tunnocks Teacakes, yummy! So to sum up: easy to do, doesn't hurt, free choccy biccies and best of all you really could be saving a life. It could even be someone you know who needs that blood, so why not get in the habit?

On a personal note my uncle, who has been fighting cancer these last three years was brought home this week - after enduring much horrible treatment such as chemo and surgery and getting through it he has now reached the stage where they simply can't do anymore for him. I was through visiting him this week (and we spent much of the time laughing I'm so happy to say) and I wonder if any of the blood I've donated has ever been used for him. It doesn't matter of course, as long as it helped someone who needed it - the point is that it might have done and that's a bloody good reason for doing it.

We thought three years ago we were going to lose him by Christmas; now his borrowed time his doctors gained him is really ticking away, you can imagine that this donation felt very emotional for me, like my way of giving a little 'up yours' to death. I can't stop what's happening to my dear uncle, but I could do that and I need to make sure I keep doing it, stick with the habit. Maybe it can't help him now, but it can help someone and it is something most of us can do if we make a very little effort, so if you have a blood donor clinic near you, please think about it; it is such a small thing to do but it can mean so much to someone. Hmmm, I was debating if I should have mentioned this on here, but it has been preying on my mind all week - guess it wanted out.

That Pinter Nobel Prize speech in full:

Enter Pinter, stage left

"...











..."

Okay, if you're not familiar with the theatrical term 'Pinteresque pause' that won't mean a damned thing to you, sorry ... Seriously, good on Harold for bashing Blair and Bush so publically. I like some of Pinter's work and some I don't care for, but at 75 and seriously ill with cancer I admire the way he remains true to his convictions.

Verification

You know, posting some comments on chum's blogs this week and using the word verification box to prevent bots etc I realised that most of the 'words' brought up randomly by word verification could be used a a generator for the names of characters and locations in fantasy novels. Nocrji shouldered his great sword and, sighing, set forth towards the kindom of Qrtatu... I think Robert Jordan already uses this; if only he used something as sophisticated for his actual plots...

Torture

"The United States does not use torture, expect its agents to use torture or condone torture by an member of the US forces or intelligence services, " stated that nice, smiley Condoleeza Rice lady (naturally I am being sarcastic here - I think that woman has the coldest, deadest eyes, as if the soul has been scooped out). We at the Gazette are convinced that she speaks the truth - the US does not carry out torture. They have friends in other countries to do that for them.

It is interesting to hear these very weak almost-but-not-quite denials, especially given the fact that the administration has said in the past that although the use of torture would be unconstitutional, if carried out to protect the US then really it would be okay. Bit like Tony and his chums saying, we would never allow torture in Britain, but you know, if we happen to have intelligence which was gathered in another country where torture is practised then we may as well use it. Obviously that wouldn't be anything like showing tacit support for the use of torture at all...

And before anyone asks 'who cares? They're all foreign terrorists' let's just look at this. For starters it is utterly illegal and morally indefensible - we do not protect out civilisation by stooping to hideous, illegal acts which undermine everything we stand for - there can be no excuse for acting like the Gestapo, especially when the person being so abused may in fact be totally innocent (but who will now harbour a deep hatred for the West for this treatment). Second, even if the British or US don't allow torture but are prepared to use intelligence from other nations gathered using torture then that makes our governments accomplices in a clear abuse of human rights and a violation of both national and international law.

Third - even if you still don't agree and think any tool is valid to be used in the great War On Terror (or WOT as it is known) then consider the simple, pragmatic reasoning here: torture as a means of extracting useful information has always proven to be utterly useless. As a means of gaining intelligence it is highly unreliable, gives often misleading or false 'information' and is ultimately self-defeating.

Our governments and intelligence services have managed to give us enough misleading 'intelligence' without half-baked tales wrung out of some poor sod in a foreign jail who would have told you he wore his sister's underwear during Ramadan if he thought it was what you wanted to hear so you'd remove the pliers from his dangly bits. Hats off the the Law Lords in the UK today for telling Blair's cabinet of war criminals that the use of 'evidence' gathered in countries where torture was used is utterly illegal in Britain. Or perhaps Tony will want to change that - after all, this is the man who once remarked that certain section of the European Convention on Human Rights could be 're-written'... And will he actually do anything about the CIA process of 'rendition', where they use British airports to fly kidnapped prisoners to third part nations who partake of an interesting mix of wet rags, wires and batteries...

Yes, once more it is that time of year for the annual ‘alternative’ best picks in SF reading, selected from the books that were almost, but not quite, published this year. As ever, this is a work of fictional lampooning. pastiching; any resemblance to authors and their novels, living, dead or extra dimensional is purely coincidental (besides I only do it because I love their books so much). And I enjoy any excuse to use the word 'lampoon' whenever possible. Come to think of it, doesn't lampoon sound like a cross between a lampost and a balloon? Wouldn't that be cool - small streetlights dangling from balloons on our street?


Pity of Faints and Lardmen by Stef Van Der Valk

A fascinating and engrossing series of novellas and fictional non fiction set in the city of Tripe (named for the most precious part of the offal) in a land that could be the North of England or somewhere else entirely. Marvellous post-modernist scenes confuse the line between reality and the imaginary and the high cholesterol and the low cholesterol as Tripe’s lard producing and eating folk swoon - but do they swoon because of high cholesterol through lard consumption or swoon because They Can’t Believe Its Not Lard? Features the award-winning tale of the artist who found fame after a dream about headless pigs lead him to sculpt and paint purely in lard in the Transformation of Emerson Lake. No Evil Monkeys were harmed in the making of this book.


Smellum: the Book of All Odours by Sal Hunkman

Again we have a clash of the imaginary and reality and a Glasgow University student who sleeps in the library to avoid having to pay to heat his student flat finds the lost Book Of All Odours, which reveals that certain perfumes are more than mere scents but are a way of unlocking entrances to undreamt of vistas of creation. He is soon pursued by the ghost of Coco Channel who turns out to be an angel and encounters multiple versions of his friends, who all wear different colognes in each reality; what happens if he brings all these scents together?


Code Fworrrr! By Merry-Ann de Brighton Pier

Merry-Ann’s top action heroine is back in business, drawing lustful looks from men and women everywhere as she kicks ass while showing off her own pert ass in very tight leather pants and proving that a supergal doesn’t really need a man when she has a damned big gun.


9Sale Box by Spon Blortney Glowertree

Top Brit SF author Spon takes us into the mythical realms between life and death as his Jewish cop in San Fernando investigates his own murder, on the way finding out that the old stories his grandpa told him about the mythical 9Sale Box are true and that he must complete nine transactions on mysterious items in the box before he can settle his affairs in this life and move on to the next.


A Nancy Boy, by Steel Gagman

A return to humour from the award-winning author, his first comedy since his collaboration with Jerry Hatchett on Good Vibrations. Here he mines the rich seam of comedy that is family life, following the trials and tribulations of the effeminate Fat Larry (the titular Nancy Boy) as he finds a brother he didn’t know he had in the wake of his father’s death and discovers that perhaps he isn’t such a nancy after all.


Rudarse Unchained by Dieter S Porkington

The concealed alien agent (the Rudarse) has now infected many humans in key positions in the government and military, turning them all into addicts of S&M sex with a particular predilection for being bound up and bum-whipped. As a vast alien invasion of human space begins, the chains come off and our S&M addicts face the enemy using some very big whips.


The Dave Langford Quizbook

This quiz book covers all aspects of Lanfordania, from his many columns through his short tales, novels and non-fiction work as well as the recent comics hit series Crisis of Infinite Langfords, where all of the Dave Langfords from every parallel Earth come together at the same time and their collective haul of Hugo Awards threaten to collapse under their own mass and create a massive singularity that Charlie Stross will write about.

Christmas in Edinburgh

It is that time of year again - the German market, Winter Wonderland, craft fair and the ice rink are all set up around the base of the Scott Monument and East Princes Street Gardens. The sun has set by 4pm here now but this makes a wonderful, warm oasis of light and life in the dark winter nights.

Guest article

A couple of days ago I talked about the atrocious number of executions in Singapore and pointed readers to a piece by my mate Adrock. The Asian Australian chap who was then facing execution (he has now been subjected to this judicial form of legalised murder) hadn't drawn much discussion in the British or American media - Adrock being a Singaporean living in Australia has a special insight into it and he talked about this and the anti-democratic rule of Singapores dictators (who the West just love doing business with).

However, so nasty are these little dictators that they reach beyond their small island to place their dead hands on the shoulders of their citizens even overseas - one Singaporean blogger abroad was forced to withdraw his comments and publically apologise last year to avoid charges and being sued. Due to similar considerations Adrock has withdrawn his comments from Outrageous, Beautiful Misfit and asked if I would post them here on the Woolamaloo Gazette which I am perfectly happy to do for three reasons.

First I am not a Singaporean citizen so those little Asian autocrats have no hold on me and can kiss my Magnificent Celtic Arse because I am free to discuss my opinions in public ( a right enshrined in the European Convention on Human Rights, part of Scots law); secondly I believe in the freedom of speech and the free debate and exchange of ideas, regardless of the approval of authorities (actually if it is to various authorities' discomfort I think we are doing our democratic duty!) and this includes opinions I may or may not agree with but support the right to be expressed; thirdly Adrock is my mate - I enjoy reading his blog and his 'fuck you attitude'. It may not be to everyone's taste, but he publishes his opinions honestly and with an enjoyable sarcastic wit.

So here is the article he published a few days ago reproduced here - it is not a bleeding heart Liberal critique of capital punishment and repressive regimes (should we change this regime, George and Tony???) but it is, as ever, Adrock's honest opinon, freely expressed:

It's 11.45am...in just under 2 days Van Nguyen will be dead...either by
decapitation or strangulation...

You know im not one for compassion...Van Nguyen's case is just another
run-of-the-mill drug courier cases that dot the world...whether we do somethin
bout it or not...Nguyen will become another drug statistic...

Prime Minister John Howard has claimed that he and the Australian Government has
done everythin they can to protect the life of Australians...the funny thing
is...i believe him for once...for every avenue the Government has tried...it was
spat upon by Singapore...insultin the Australian citizenry...chances are...had
the Government pursued its claim...some kind of diplomatic incident would have
occurred...now we dont want that happenin do we?

Ive read and listened with great interest the opinions of Australians in papers
and radio...and it fascinates me to no end how gullible and naive most
Australians are...YES it is wrong to take someone's life...YES no one has the
power invested by God to take another man's life...YES Nguyen has done
wrong...YES he should serve jailtime and rot till he dies for all we care...BUT
he should not die by capital punishment...Nguyen is a smart adult who would have
seen the number of signs dotted on the flight to Singapore and visas indicatin
that the punishment for drug traffickin is death...he took a chance...he knew of
the consequences...he must serve the punishment...he deserves to be
punished...NOT by hangin...but by eternal incarceration...

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions...that's what i love about Australia
(and why ive left Singapore for as long as i can)...for every Australian who has
a Nguyen opinion...adrock2xander has a reply...here it is...for every Australian
or foreigner who has never visited Singapore...here's what's really goin on...

Singapore often calls itself a democratic society...i laugh when they do...what
audacity! Singapore is NOT a democracy...it is an autocratic...one-party society
in essence run by the Lee family...the Government there regularly applies its
Internal Security Act...which was introduced to combat communists in the
1960s...yes...i completely agree with the law back in the 60s as any effort to
quell Communism is an effort worthy of an applause...top marks for the Lee
Government then to put Communism down...but the Internal Security Act still
exists today...its purpose is not to combat Communism in this millenium...but to
stifle political dissent...without goin too much into the political situation in
Singapore...let's just say its persona non grata...

The Singapore defence force is disappropriately large (in relation to the size
and population of the country)...with capabilities such as heavy armor...which
keeps the Muslim neighbors of Indonesia and Malaysia nervous about Singapore's
long-term strategic intentions...

If the countries of Indonesia and Malaysia...with a combined population of 250
million...are afraid of Singapore's (population 4.5 million) military
might...what does it say bout the way Singapore is being run?

Singapore does not feel the need to take notice of public opinion...the public
in Singapore is kept ignorant and intimidated...fear of the Government is
somethin that's not spoken of by Singaporeans...while i do not agree with some
of the laws the Singapore government has passed...some of the implemented laws
have made me compare countries i invariably visit to Singapore...the truth
is...when it comes to stability and security...i wouldnt trade Singapore for
another country (Switzerland has a case though hehe)...

Many Singaporeans feel secure in the 'cocoon' the government has created for
them...like products off a conveyor belt...Singaporeans are moulded to think and
act alike and brought up never to think for themselves...everythin is provided
and automated for them...it is this sense of security and 'fake wholesomeness'
that leave many Singaporeans satisfied with what they have...ask a Singaporean
why they refuse to speak up...he'll give you a curt reply: "Im happy with the
way things are...it's safe and clean and my family's well...why should i
complain?" Says a lot doesnt it? For all its efficienty...it's hard to think
whether Singapore has done it too well for once...That's not to say Singapore
hasnt done anythin right...punishin Nguyen is a little step towards a better
society...think of all the drug addicts whose life will be destroyed just coz
Nguyen wants to pocket several hundred thousand dollars...however...i feel that
we elect a government to collectively represent our people...they respond to our
cries of help and work out palatable solutions for us...but for a country to
decide on its own what is right for one or another without the consultation of
others is eternally damnin...who gives the rights for Singapore to hang any
random strapped-with-drugs-Joe that steps into its puny shores?

Like ive said earlier...i dont care what crime Nguyen did...he could have
imported rabbits without payin tax or brought in a large catalogue of gay
magazines..let's leave him till he dies in the cell...at least he dies in a
humane way...the drugs that Nguyen smuggled in were never distributed to the
druggies...not one gram of it...no one was hurt...Nguyen didnt even smuggle the
drugs for himself...he did it out of love for his brother (who should be the one
dyin by the way)...it's not like he committed pedophilia or somethin
dastardly...why the hell is Singapore killin him?

One of the Ten Commandments is 'Thou Shall Not Kill'...Christianity is one of
the fastest growin religion in Buddhist-entrenched Singapore...i do believe the
Government has a large number of Christians within its ranks...if they are pious
and firm believers in the miracle of God...they should look into their hearts
and grant Nguyen a lifetime sentence instead...

God save Nguyen...and perhaps the Singapore Government..."

Hang down your head, Tom Dooley...

Okay, a link in some questionable taste since it involves and Asian-Australian who if facing being hung by the shiny little techno-dictatorship of Singapore. There hasn't been much coverage of this case in the British press - I only found out about it via my mate Adrock's delightfully outspoken blog. According to Amnesty the Singapore dictatorship has executed more than 400 people since 1991 (wow, it really must be a deterrent, eh?); given they has a tiny population of only 4.2 million this puts them into the shameful position of the highest execution rate per head of population in the world. I'm not making any excuses for Nguyen - he tried to smuggle heroin after all - but execution is wrong and it rarely stops crime (or they wouldn't need to keep executing so many people, would they?); as long as there are folk in vulnerable or desperate position there will always be folks who attempt stupid acts like being a drugs mule. Meantime the scumbags who run the drugs businesses sit in their mansions, utterly untouched by law enforcement; what do they care? Plenty more desperate folk to act as mules for them, while they stay safely out of harm's way... Adrock, himself a Singaporean living in Australia, has an interesting post over on Outrageous, Beautiful Misfit (Parental Advisory Warning!).

Happy Saint Andrew's Day




Patron saint of Scotland, depiste never actually having been in Caledonia in his lifetime. Home-grown talent from these islands, such as Columba, must have thought they were a shoe-in for the top job but lost out to Andy - today politicians looking for easy popularity with the unthinking masses would no doubt make a song and dance about bloody immigrants taking our jobs...

Saint Andrew's Day is now marked by the First Minister of the Scottish parliament who rides a giant haggis down the Royal Mile in Edinburgh, throwing greasy Scotch pies and bottles of Irn Bru to the crowds. Tradition has it that if you are fortunate enough to catch some of this largesse you should take it home and, in the ancient Scottish manner, deep fry them and eat them. You should then experience a vision of Saint Coronary, another important Scots saint. The former head of the Scottish Conservatives was supposed to follow on another haggis, but he was forced to resign after attempting to claim travel by haggis as parliamentary expenses when using it for his own purposes (sorry, that won't mean a thing to anyone who hasn't been following Scottish politics).

And to mark Saint Andrew's Day I visited the very nifty Poetry Archive and had a listen to my favourite living Scottish poet, the wonderful Edwin Morgan (the first National Makar - that's Poet Laureate to non Scots). It's a lovely site with a very good range of wordspinners on it. I like good poetry; I love prose but there are some ideas, feelings and events which poetry can suggest in a way prose cannot (although sometimes very moving prose becomes almost like poetry). Poetry is to literature as jazz is to music; it can be fast or slow, playful or mournful, reflective or full of light but always different. And the best way to hear it is from the lips of the bard - as you can do on the Poetry Archive.

Cycle dog

Coming out of the dark winter night I saw something a bit unusual on the road. I could see two small headlamps, but not far enough apart to be on a car but too far apart to be on a motorbike. As I get closer I can see a figure behind the lights - looks like a cyclist... Gets a little closer and passes under a streetlight and I see what it actually was: a cyclist and his dog out for an evening ride! The bicycle had some sort of metal cage for the dog mounted over two wheels at the front of the bike, complete with headlamps. The dog looked quite content; mind you he wasn't the one who was having to pedal them both uphill. The nearest I ever got was back in my student days when Zag used to wait for me to cycle home and run alongside my bike; a few times he bounded over and leapt on the pannier with a mighty mieow to ride down the street with me.

Wottakers

The Observer has an interesting bit on the attempted anschluss by my former employers on Ottakar's as it enters the final week: the OFT should make a decision by the end of this week according to this article. It has been pretty hard to hear anyone defend this move outside of LiquidBricks - publishers large and small, authors new and bestselling, wholesalers, literary critics, reviewers and readers have all objected in the strongest terms. Personally I think it would be a very bad move for readers, authors and publishers in the UK and potentially disastrous in Scotland where any merged group would have a strangehold.

In the article my old employer protests that they are "not a one-size-fits-all retailer,Each of our bookshops has its own unique range profile and each branch also has space at the front of store to promote a choice of books picked by that branch." Well, that is not the way I saw the company latterly - it is the way I saw it when first started there, but in my opinion range has suffered enormously at the hands of centralised buying and planning while the section management at local level by expert booksellers is something which has been almost extinguished. And no, that's not just sour grapes, it is something I felt for a good long while and remarked upon many times. I've also had first hand knowledge from some smaller publishers who I always supported who have told me how much harder the company has made it for them.

I understand some centralisation for national promotions and buying strategies but over-centralisation turns a bookstore into a supermarket and destroys the idea of specialist, expert booksellers (which doesn't exactly boost staff morale either) and makes the bookstore less attractive to heaby readers. Since those smaller publishers (some Scottish and some from elsewhere) all sold very well in the branch I worked in it is also short-sighted not to support them; it is a relatively small investment in time and resources at local level and it can pay dividends in both sales and enhancing the reputation of the business locally; not doing so can harm your reputation (you don't want to see papers running stories saying you don't support local writers). Ditto on the author events programmes - something Ottakars does very well but at LiquidBricks is a shadow of the programme it used to be.

A friend who no longer works for the company once told me she attended a meeting at head office to discuss children's books for Book of the Month and other campaigns. She endured half an hour of talk of 'units' and 'turnover' and 'market placement' before commenting she thought she was there to talk about choosing the next lot of Children's Books of the Month and to her horror they said 'we are'. This is when she suspected that perhaps the love of good books was no longer central to the bookselling strategy... Personally it still makes me shiver to realise that to some professional marketing person a book is simply a 'unit' to be merchandised... However I also have to say the head buyer they singled out in the article, Scott Pack, I always found to be open to suggestions whenever I emailed any to him or his his team, so maybe not fair for them to try and pin so much blame on him in the article. Still, all said, I still think this takeover would be a very bad deal all round.

Mad, bad...

... And dangerous to know. Nope, not my fellow clansman Byron, but an earlier bard who enjoy more than his share of drink and women, the Restoration Rake, John Wilmot, better known as the second Earl Rochester. Caught the Libertine the other night, with Johnny Depp and his cheekbones as Rochester, Rosamunde Pike as his wife and the wonderfully pixie-like beauty of Samantha Morton. It was a very odd film, detailing a chunk of Rochester's brief life (ending with a painful, syphilitic condition at the age of 33) and the Restoration court of Charles II (played by the always wonderful John Malkovich in a clear nod to his earlier film Dangerous Liasons). I've always found Rochester to be a fascinating character, so although the film wasn't brilliant I enjoyed it.

He's one of those figures who can be both inspiring and damned annoying, moving from elegant poetry showcasing his wit and intellect to a vulgar pornographic (but fun) output and a love of self-destruction. All in all he'd have made a fabulous rock star; goes to show there really isn't anything new under the sun and the excess of Ozzy or Motley Crue on the road has all be done before. Mel hated the film though - even Johnny's cheekbones weren't enough to rescue it for her. There's a good website on Rochester here.

All my past life is mine no more,
The flying hours are gone,
Like transitory dreams given o'er,
Whose images are kept in store
By memory alone.

What ever is to come is not,
How can it then be mine?
The present moment's all my lot,
And that as fast as it is got,
Phyllis, is wholly thine.

Then talk not of inconstancy,
False hearts, and broken vows,
Ii, by miracle, can be,
This live-long minute true to thee,
'Tis all that heaven allows. 

All My Past Life, Lord Rochester.

Top Secret

The latest story to emerge in the sorry tale of the White House and Downing Street's joint cover-up of an (alleged) is that the document covering Blair talking Bush out of bombing Arabic broadcaster al-Jazeera is that there is no such document. And there aren't two men facing court charges under the Official Secrets Act because, of course, the secret document they leaked doesn't exist. And it isn't just an attempt by Downing Street to protect the reputation of George Bush according to Attorney General Goldsmith, it's about the rule of law. And obviously we can completely trust Goldmsith's word on this because as we know from his rulings on the legality of the war he is completely above and beyond political pressure and interference in his legal interpretations.

Then again, cynics may say the janitor as Goldsmith's College has a more reliable opinion on legal matters... Besides the latest rumour of this non-existent document is that Bush didn't try to bomb al-Jazeera only to be persuaded by Tony that it wasn't the best idea. Actually, with his less than comprehensive grasp of world events Bush apparently called for the bombing of Al Bundy because he saw Married With Children as undermining the sacred values of the all-American Christian family lifestyle. However, Blair's son Euan is a big fan of the show and begged his father to persuade his chum George to desist.

Some right-wing talk radio pundits in the US have said that bombing media centres would not violate the US constitution since they would not attempt to censor any broadcast or freedom of speech and the Constitution says nothing about bombing buggery out of journalists. Impeding their freedom of speech would be illegal, one commentator said, but blowing the crap outta them is perfectly legal.

On a more serious note, how the hell can you legally take people to court for breaching the Official Secrets Act over a document that yu say doesn't exist? And how scary is it that the events we have seen in the last few years have been Bush with whatever small restraint Blair can bring to bear on him? What the hell would he be like without Tony's influence???

Belle & Sebastian comics!




Glasgow Indy band, Belle & Sebastian, have their own graphic novel anthology coming out from Image Comics in February 2006 (Put the Book Back on the Shelf), just as their new album and UK tour happen. Groovy! Certainly one of the more unusual graphic novels I've added to the FPI site this week, but hey, if Kiss, Alice Cooper and 50 Cent can have their own comics, why not Glasgow's cool indy princes?

Sharon parties on down

Ariel Sharon, the Israeli Prime Minister, shocked Israel by quitting his right-wing Likud Party to form his very own party. What brought on this sudden change? "I have been in the party political system for many years," explained the roly-poly politico, "And as I was down on the coast recently with my family, watching my nephews and nieces dancing on the beach it struck me: in all those decades I had adhered to the political side but not the party side." He shook his large head, his jowls wobbling sadly as he did. "I just never partied - no-one on Likud ever did, they are a bunch of miserable old bastards. Well, its never too late and you're never too old, so from now on I will be Ariel Sharon, Party Animal! Part on, dudes!"

Cameo role

I've been seriously worried by some local news stories here in sunny Edinburgh recently about the wonderful Cameo cinema, which the current owners are considering selling parts of - notably the main auditorium. There have been stories about a proposed 'superbar' in Cameo 1's graceful environs (like Edinburgh city centre really needs another bar) and counter stories that some films will still be projected there but with only a few seats.

The Cameo is an Edinburgh institution; a beautiful, friendly cinema showing a good mix of alternative, cult and world cinema with a terrific bar (and a licensed auditorium so you can take your drink in with you to the screening!) and a major component of the Edinburgh International Film Festival (Tarantino claims it as one of his favourite cinemas in the world and I seem to recall it is where a small, relatively unknown film called Reservoir Dogs was shown to packed Film Fest goers).

I've spent many a happy time in the Cameo; I've danced in the aisle at midnight showings of the Rocky Horror Show, laughed as fans turned up for a double-screening of surf movies Big Wednesday and Point Break in wetsuits, blond wigs and carrying ironing boards (the Cameo crew rewarded them with lots of free popcorn). I've watched big international hits like Pulp Fiction there and tiny independents like Primer; I've watched films in lord knows how many languages there and chatted with first-time directors in the lovely bar after Film Fest screenings. With good student discounts and the club card the Cameo, along with the nearby Filmhouse, was one of my second homes during my college days.

It is one of the most comfortable and welcoming cinemas I've ever been into and Cameo 1, the main screen, is gorgeous and a venue beloved not only by our city's many film fans but by the thousands who come for the Festival too, so this is not just a local story. I really can't undesrstand why the current owners are being so damned stupid. My chum Claudia pointed me to a site set up to campaign for the Cameo - it has the full story and also a petition you can sign to help save this wonderful emporium of the moving image. For those of you who have loved the Cameo I'd urge you to visit the site and sign the petition - December 9th is the deadline for objections, so act now.

Prescott

This spat between senior ministers and the former British ambassador to the US, Sir Christopher Meyer, continues to be highly amusing. Deputy PM (let's be honest, a title utterly meaningless in British politics) John 'Two Jags' Prescott has a go at him in the press and joins his colleague Jack 'Used to be a Marxist now wear Jackboots' Straw in demanding he resign from his position on the Press Complaints Commission. Has Meyer done anything in his position at the PCC? Nope - but his new tell-all book about his time as ambassador to the US during the run up to the Iraq war has been rubbing Blair's team up the wrong way.

Prescott comes off especially badly - portrayed as an ignorant fool, full of his own self importance and determined to be involved (to show being deputy PM really means something, honest). Alas he ends up talking to senior Washington figures about the war in the Balklands... As thick mentally as his waist is physically... Of course, this isn't a personal issue for Prescott... Heaven forbid anyone should tell the public what our esteemed representatives get up to behind closed doors... Blair's cronies seem to be remarkably sensitive to any criticism, which is odd because life in public such as that of a senior politician should require a thick skin and the common sense to be able to ignore or laugh off some attacks instead of fuelling media coverage by vindictive counter-attacks.

Prescott, the great Brontosaurus of the Labour Party (but without the charm, grace or intellect of that creature) seems especially sensitive - witness not just his fisticuffs (great example for a government committed to stamping out violent yobbish behaviour!) but his virulent attacks on journalists over the two Jaguars story.

Nuremberg

Today marks the 60th anniversary of the commencement of the Nuremberg trials, where the surviving leaders of Nazi Germany were brought before a court which gave the world a new term: crimes against humanity. Just another historical anniversary? Far from it; all of our collective history is relevant - events from 60 years ago influence and shape our present just as events 600 years ago. History is far from a purely academic interest, it is the mould of our current world and a lack of awareness of our history denies us the means to understand and thus alter that mould to a new and better design.

The Nuremberg trials set the basis for later international law and set leaders on notice that they could be held to account for their actions in a world court - as old Slobby is at the moment ('ethnic cleansing' - a hideous case of history repeating itself if ever there was). Unfortunately it is unlikely we will see all of those who use their power and position unwisely - will we see Mugabe in the Hague? Blair? Bush? The leaders of the insurgency in Iraq who murdered dozens of Muslims at prayer on Friday? As with the supposedly impartial law of our own land those with influence and connections can and often do manage to circumvent the legal consequences to their actions. Nonetheless, the principal is a good one and we ignore it and the lessons of history at our peril.

On which subject I was watching the documentary series The West (from the producers of the excellent Civil War series, which drew largely on the work of the wonderful Shelby Foote) and once again was struck with how patterns repeat in history, usually to our shame. This episode dealt with Custer's arrogant downfall at the Little Bighorn, the forcible taking of the sacred Black Hills by the US government after promises not to and the flight of the Lakota and the Nez Perce. Legendary names abound in this episode - Sherman, Custer, Crazy Horse, Sitting Bull - but the one thing which stared me in the face from over a century ago was the blind arrogance and greed of a larger power which would make many indications of friendship and peace then break their word and commit any and all forms of brutal act on warriors and civilians alike when they saw land and resources they coveted. Be it minerals in the Black Hills or the black gold of oil in the deserts of Iraq, it seems we are doomed to repeat some patterns as long as those with weak morals and no grasp of history are allowed to rule.

All the more important then, I think, that the rest of us learn and debate these events, historical and contemporary. Perhaps it will only be some of us talking online, but as long as some think about it and discuss it we serve notice that we refuse to be comlicit in these events and that we are watching what they do. And who knows, perhaps one day the people who commit such atrocities, dressing them up in lies and broken promises, will have to answer to us. Last week we commemerated the fallen of previous wars and the phrase 'lest we forget' was repeated, almost as a litany; this is a good phrase and one we should and must apply not only to those who fell to protect us but to those who would abuse that sacrifice to further their own selfish ends, dressing it in a rhetoric of lies.

"Good words do not last long unless they amount to something. Words do not pay for my dead people. They do not pay for my country, now overrun by white men. They do not protect my father’s grave. They do not pay for all my horses and cattle.

Good words cannot give me back my children. Good words will not give my people good health and stop them from dying. Good words will not get my people a home where they can live in peace and take care of themselves."

In-mut-too-yah-lat-lat (Thunder coming up over the land from the water), better known to us as Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce, talking of the plight of his people, but it can all to easily be applied to current events. There is a commendable and concise overview of the chief by Jennifer Beck on this site.

Ticonderoga

Is it strange to dream about the battle of Ticonderoga (the 1777 battle; there were numerous fights at this fort)? Is it strange to dream about that battle enacted entirely with penguins? Emperor penguins in red coats playing the Imperial British forces and Rockhopper penguins standing in for the American revolutionaries? Ah well, who wants boring dreams?

Behind the scenes at the museum





There must have been something on at the Museum of Scotland this evening - it was all floodlit like this on the way home from work and a gaggle of outside broadcast vehicles were parked outside. Incidentally, these snaps were taken around the same time of evening as I finished work as those rosy sunset photos of the Castle I posted a few weeks ago. What a difference a couple of weeks and the return to GMT make; it's now pretty dark here by 4 in the afternoon and very chilly. You can feel the sharp, cold air tightening your cheeks as you step outside (who needs plastic surgery for a lift? Stand out in the Scottish winter air for ten minutes!); by the time you get home your cheeks are as rosy as a basket of fresh apples.

In the morning the sun is very low in the sky and seems to rise from behind Castle Ridge; very dramatic - the ever-changing play of sun and shadow every morning is like a combination of a Turner landscape and a Colourist painting. Tonight the sky was very clear and a huge full moon hung over the city; even Mars was clearly visible, twinkling a pinkish-red. I thought for a moment I saw a green flare from Mars; it may be an invasion of tripods or it may have been the green man on the pelican crossing on the edge of my peripheral vision. With nice timing I'm just finishing off Fool Moon by Jim Butcher in which Chicago PI/wizard Harry Dresden is investigating, yup, you guessed it, werewolves. "Werewolf? There wolf; there castle." (name that film!).

You need the fire on now, you need to swap to your chunky boots and try and recall where you put your gloves several months ago, air out your big, heavy coat - yes, it is winter in Scotland. Tonight the full moon reflected in broken ice sheets on puddles and oh, how warm and welcoming every pub looks in the cold, dark night (which is of course why we have so many of them, it's not just because we're boozehounds).

Scary pics

You want to see something truly scary? This is an image from the 1984 yearbook at my school showcasing the leading lights - should that be LEDs perhaps? - of the (then new) Computer Club. The bright-eyed young chap on the left rear has recently captained the Academy's first ever team in an inter-school computer quiz and beat the opposing team captain in a sudden death playoff, so you see it wasn't just playing Manic Miner and Elite, although I bet I could have kicked hs butt at those too. Yes, that gurning grin belongs to me. Bloody scary isn't it? Go on, you all have a good laugh, I don't mind; just remember you all have scary images like this from your past hidden away too!

My mate Gordon is right next to me (these days we still prop up bars together) and there are my mates Malcolm and Bobby - we all still hang out together to this day and have contributed to the wealth of many of Scotland's finest curry house owners over the years.

The Evil Herr Thatchler was in Downing Street and a mentally challenged warmonger was in the Oval Office, while we worried about terrorist attacks and anyone with a certain ethnic accent was suspected by the police who were always looking for more powers to deal with them.



I think at that point in time I had my Sinclair Spectrum with its mighty 48K memory; before that was my Texas Instruments 99/4a - 16K in 1981, very impressive! My mobile phone has many times this memory today... 6 years after this pic I would have moved on through my old Atari ST (wow, a built in floppy drive!!!! Hi-tech!) to a PC (30MB of real hard drive - astonishing... Now my portable USB drive has 512MB and I gave up counting the gigabytes in my laptop's system, it is just silly). It's the mid 80s and I'm reading something new called cyberpunk by a guy called William Gibson - he talks of a digital, networked future...

And on PC 6 years after this picture I would be introduced to the very basic internet and email (no web yet, pretty much all text based) of 1991. And one day I write a pastiche of a news item for a laugh and to let off steam and I email it to some friends around the world under the banner The Woolamaloo Gazette, born of sarcasm... It is later in the 90s and I'm hosting an author event with Bill Gibson, listening to his wonderful slow drawl and I'm plugging into that digital web myself.

2005; my long hair is long gone but the Woolamaloo Gazette is still there, now written on a dinky little laptop smaller than they keyboard of my old TI from 1981; I've lost a job because of my sarcasm and web access and got a much better one; now I'm being interviewed on freedom of expression on the web for CNN. It is indeed a funny old world...

An increasingly right wing nutter is in 10 Downing Street and a mentally challenged monkey is in the Oval Office and we are worried about terrorist outrages and the police are demanding more powers to deal with them while anyone from a certain ethnic background was suspected... Guess some things don't change much... I'm still reading Bill Gibson.

Gaiman in Scotsman

Scotland on Sunday - the Sabbath's version of the Scotsman - has a very nice write up on Neil Gaiman following his visit to Glasgow and Edinburgh last week on the UK leg of his Anansi Boys tour (the book is, as ever, wonderful - it's also Neil's first humour novel since Good Omens with Terry Pratchett - if you haven't read it yet then start dropping hints to family and friends in the run up to Christmas). It also mentions something I covered in the FPI blog a while back, that the new National Theatre of Scotland is adapting the children's picture book Wolves in the Wall by Neil and Dave McKean for one of their first touring productions.

Animated

I spotted this link via the good offices of Boingboing today - it's a fantastic use of Flash animation and well worth a visit.


Metropolis

A report on the BBC notes that a pristine condition movie poster for the silent classic Metropolis has set a record at auction - selling for £397, 762. Wow, I wonder how much my original Trainspotting movie poster is worth? Would the Blue-tack marks enhance the value? I like the way this happened right after the new design for the Cybermen was revealed for the next series of Doctor Who - is it just me or does it look like Maria from Metropolis and Robocop had a baby? Judging by the hips I have to assume the new Cybermen have the silicon version of cellulite and, I assume, huge cyber-bums. I'm picturing paranpoid Cybermen asking the Doctor if their bums look big in their new outfits...

Podcast

I had an email from Ian Hocking at work today - Ian's debut novel from a small press, Deja Vu, was one of the first books featured on the FPI blog. Inspired by the likes of Charlie Stross and Cory Doctorow's use of creative commons licensing (which Cory and others have covered a lot on Boingboing) he has created a spoken word version of his cyberthriller and is making it available free in weekly segments. I had a listen to chapter one while working away on the graphic novel site htis afternoon and recommend it - details of it and a link to an interview with Ian over on the FPI blog.


Freedom of expression

A slightly unusual evening for me after work as I detoured to the posh environs of the Balmoral (right across from my former workplace) to record an interview about the freedom of speech (or sometimes lack thereof) on the web for CNN. A fun and interesting experience (most of my media interviews have been for radio or newspapers or online, rarely TV, which is fine since I think I have the right body for radio) - the crew have some other segments to record around the UK and I will post up the broadcast schedule once I know them.