No Gun-Ri
I’ve just watched an extremely disturbing documentary on UK History about an event I’d heard very little about before, the massacre at No Gun-Ri during the Korean War. The US 7th Cavalry - Custer’s old regiment - opened fire repeatedly over a number of days on columns of Korean civilian refugees. Mothers with children, old women, all were gunned down repeatedly. Air force support was called in - the refugees were herded onto the railway line and left there. A few minutes later the US airforce came in and strafed them. Many of the soldiers have confessed to the massacre and to receiving direct orders to open fire on civilians.
Orders have been found in the US National Archive from generals instructing US forces to treat any civilian refugees trying to approach or cross their lines as enemy targets. Documents in the same archives confirm Army requests for Airforce strafing of refugee groups. This has been kept quit until a group of Associated Press reporters investigated it in 1999. Following their Pulitzer Prize winning report the Pentagon was finally forced to hold an official investigation. The Pentagon reported that there had been a ‘tragic accident’, civilians had been killed, but it was all an accident and not deliberate. Heat of the moment of battle excuses have been proffered and the US government still denies that there were any official directives to target civilians during the Korean war, despite the fact documents in their own US National Archive flatly contradict this position - the Pentagon report did not mention these for some odd reason.
Half a century later and we’ve been exposed to some footage brought out of Iraq on British TV recently. Once again the sight of massacred civilians fills our screens. Once more the US army claims anyone shot was an aggressor. Reports from independent journalists however suggest that the US army pretty much opened fire on anything that moved on the road into Baghdad. They weren’t sure if these cars carried soldiers or civilians. They didn’t check, they just opened fire. One scene caught on film showed US troops blazing away in panic at a civilian bus. Riddled with bullets it bursts into flames and slows. Blood-soaked men jump out of the flames and are instantly shot. One man trying to escape the flames is targeted by dozens of marines and cut to pieces. It looks looked something from a Die Hard movie, but this was real.
To this day the US government still refuses to join the other civilised countries in signing up to the International Court of Human Justice - they think unfriendly nations might use this to try and convict US citizens and we can’t have that. To this day no US army officer has been charged with war crimes over No Gun-Ri and no compensation or apology has even been offered. Over one million civilians died in the Korean War. The South Korean government has counted 63 separate incidents of US forces killing civilians during the conflict. The US refuses to acknowledge these let alone investigate them. Any other nation would be dragged to the Hague to stand trial for crimes against humanity. The US shrugs it shoulders and ignores its blood-soaked crimes.
Friday, June 27, 2003
KLF VOW TO FIGHT SLAUGHTER OF KANGAROOS
The Australian army are to slaughter up to 15,000 kangaroos in order to stop them ‘over-grazing’ this year at an army base. Bouncer McFoster, the spokesroo for the KLF - the Kangaroo Liberation Front - told us this was just typical of the attitude of human Australians. “They destroy huge tracts of good land every year to build swimming pools, beach resorts and barbecue pits, yet the government say they have to kill thousands of kangaroos to protect the environment. The KLF will not take this sitting down. We have in recent years moved away from our previous violent actions and embraced diplomacy as a way forward between marsupials and humans. We will be asking the United Nations and the Court of International Justice in the Hague to look into this. If that fails however, the KLF is prepared to take arms and drown the Oz army in a storm of marsupial blood.”
A spokesperson for the Oz government said he had been quoted out of context and blamed everything on illegal immigrants and asylum seekers. George Bush backed the Oz government claiming the KLF were a terrorist organisation and part of the ‘Axis of Evil’. Bouncer replied that Bush was the biggest terrorist on the planet and was part of the Arsehole of Banal.
The Australian army are to slaughter up to 15,000 kangaroos in order to stop them ‘over-grazing’ this year at an army base. Bouncer McFoster, the spokesroo for the KLF - the Kangaroo Liberation Front - told us this was just typical of the attitude of human Australians. “They destroy huge tracts of good land every year to build swimming pools, beach resorts and barbecue pits, yet the government say they have to kill thousands of kangaroos to protect the environment. The KLF will not take this sitting down. We have in recent years moved away from our previous violent actions and embraced diplomacy as a way forward between marsupials and humans. We will be asking the United Nations and the Court of International Justice in the Hague to look into this. If that fails however, the KLF is prepared to take arms and drown the Oz army in a storm of marsupial blood.”
A spokesperson for the Oz government said he had been quoted out of context and blamed everything on illegal immigrants and asylum seekers. George Bush backed the Oz government claiming the KLF were a terrorist organisation and part of the ‘Axis of Evil’. Bouncer replied that Bush was the biggest terrorist on the planet and was part of the Arsehole of Banal.
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
No Assembly Required...
Alistair Darling, MP today executed a wonderful example of foot-in-the-mouth syndrome, also known as Stupid Politician Syndrome. This is generally caused by putting an idiot in charge of an area he knows bugger all about. The faux-pas? During SWcottish Questions in the Houses of Parliament in Westminster Mr Darling referred to the "Scottish Assembly". As almost everyone knows the Welsh have an assembly, we in Scotland have a parliament, as we had 300 years ago before bullying and outright bribery took it away to create the Union in 1707.
So what? Well, there are two very embarassing reasons to worry about this stupidity - not just because we Scots get bloody annoyed about these sorts of slights. The first is that the Right Honourable Alistair Darling MP is in fact the Member of Parliament for Edinburgh Central - the area of the Scottish capital which covers Princes Street, the Scott Monument, the National Galleries, the Wolrd Heritage Site of the New and Old Towns, the Castle and, yes, you guessed it, the Scottish Parliament. Nice to know Mr Darling keeps up on local issues in his own constituency - if he is this out of touch what bloody use is he? Secondly this eejit is also the newly appointed Secretary of State for Scotland!!!
Well done, Mr Darling - as a minister of the Crown you have just increased the argument of Nationalists that the London government knows nothing about Scotland and cares even less. He didn't even bother to correct himself and left the Chamber very quickly afterwards. I wonder if he can find the way home at weekends? And while we're ragging on this numpty heid, what is it with the dark eyebrows and grey hair? Does he use Grecian 2000 but only on his eyebrows? More on the BBC website. Perhaps our elected represantatives should be required to pass an examination in the history and culture of our nation before they can take office? This would also mean only reasonably smart people could take office, which would be a vast improvement.
Alistair Darling, MP today executed a wonderful example of foot-in-the-mouth syndrome, also known as Stupid Politician Syndrome. This is generally caused by putting an idiot in charge of an area he knows bugger all about. The faux-pas? During SWcottish Questions in the Houses of Parliament in Westminster Mr Darling referred to the "Scottish Assembly". As almost everyone knows the Welsh have an assembly, we in Scotland have a parliament, as we had 300 years ago before bullying and outright bribery took it away to create the Union in 1707.
So what? Well, there are two very embarassing reasons to worry about this stupidity - not just because we Scots get bloody annoyed about these sorts of slights. The first is that the Right Honourable Alistair Darling MP is in fact the Member of Parliament for Edinburgh Central - the area of the Scottish capital which covers Princes Street, the Scott Monument, the National Galleries, the Wolrd Heritage Site of the New and Old Towns, the Castle and, yes, you guessed it, the Scottish Parliament. Nice to know Mr Darling keeps up on local issues in his own constituency - if he is this out of touch what bloody use is he? Secondly this eejit is also the newly appointed Secretary of State for Scotland!!!
Well done, Mr Darling - as a minister of the Crown you have just increased the argument of Nationalists that the London government knows nothing about Scotland and cares even less. He didn't even bother to correct himself and left the Chamber very quickly afterwards. I wonder if he can find the way home at weekends? And while we're ragging on this numpty heid, what is it with the dark eyebrows and grey hair? Does he use Grecian 2000 but only on his eyebrows? More on the BBC website. Perhaps our elected represantatives should be required to pass an examination in the history and culture of our nation before they can take office? This would also mean only reasonably smart people could take office, which would be a vast improvement.
Sunday, June 22, 2003
I found this in a collection of children’s poems by Jan Dean called Wallpapering the Cat:
Cat
My bones are rubber jelly
I leap but never fall
I lie like a long fur collar
On the shoulders of the wall.
My eyes are ancient jewels
Like gems from Pharoah’s tomb
Even when you think I’m sleeping
I monitor the room.
My soul is grey and misty
Shadowy… Secret… Free…
I rise like smoke, escape and go
No one possesses me.
Silent bar
Just watching a segment on news from the US on BBC News 24. Apparently the hip, new place to hang out is a bar called Danno’s. A couple of guy’s got so fed up with bars where the music was so loud people had to scream to be heard, so they started their own silent bar. Whispers only are allowed, but the preferred mode of communication is pencil and paper. Never ones to miss a new trick New York’s trendy set are using this bar to not only have a stress-free relaxation zone but to flirt with people.
Personally I like a little life in my pubs, but one or two of these places would be a gas. I get very annoyed when some pubs play the music so loud that you can’t actually chat to your friends. If I want poundingly loud music I’ll go to a club - I don’t want it in the pub. I go to the pub to socialise with people, not to learn the fine art of lip-reading. Some pubs such as Wetherspoons do have a no music policy, but they are so large and so busy they are still a pretty damned noisy place. Besides they have now crossed over to the Silly Side of the force by having a no swearing rule! Apparently it offends some poor gentle souls. Well f**k me.
Just watching a segment on news from the US on BBC News 24. Apparently the hip, new place to hang out is a bar called Danno’s. A couple of guy’s got so fed up with bars where the music was so loud people had to scream to be heard, so they started their own silent bar. Whispers only are allowed, but the preferred mode of communication is pencil and paper. Never ones to miss a new trick New York’s trendy set are using this bar to not only have a stress-free relaxation zone but to flirt with people.
Personally I like a little life in my pubs, but one or two of these places would be a gas. I get very annoyed when some pubs play the music so loud that you can’t actually chat to your friends. If I want poundingly loud music I’ll go to a club - I don’t want it in the pub. I go to the pub to socialise with people, not to learn the fine art of lip-reading. Some pubs such as Wetherspoons do have a no music policy, but they are so large and so busy they are still a pretty damned noisy place. Besides they have now crossed over to the Silly Side of the force by having a no swearing rule! Apparently it offends some poor gentle souls. Well f**k me.
HP Sauce
Well that was a very long and tiring weekend of work. We opened at one minute past midnight on Friday night/Saturday morning to begin selling the new Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Considering all three Edinburgh Waterstone’s were opening at the same time and several other bookstores in a relatively small city we didn’t expect a huge amount of people - it was really more of a stunt than anything else. Boy were we wrong.
We thought we’d be finished by 12.30 or so then half an hour to tidy up for the 7am - yes 7am - opening the next morning. Instead we had a queue round the block - we finished serving the last customer at just after 1.30am and got out around 2am. The mood was actually pretty fun, with most folk having a good time and several nice people who actually thanked us for opening at that time of night (thank you). We sold a couple of hundred copies in that time. The very last customer however, was an asshole. He asked for us to look some other books up for him. We told him we were only open for this HP sale and he’d have to come back during normal hours if he wanted other books checked. Then he asked us to get books from the area of the shop sealed off for the evening. When we told him the same thing again he muttered about poor customer service. I pointed out we were open at 1.30 am in the bloody morning - in my book that is damned good service! Some people are never happy. Mind you he was dressed like Gordon Gecko from Wall Street, complete with red braces, so we kind of guessed he was a fuckwit to begin with…Still, at least the sales mean we should get a much-deserved bonus for once.
Well that was a very long and tiring weekend of work. We opened at one minute past midnight on Friday night/Saturday morning to begin selling the new Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Considering all three Edinburgh Waterstone’s were opening at the same time and several other bookstores in a relatively small city we didn’t expect a huge amount of people - it was really more of a stunt than anything else. Boy were we wrong.
We thought we’d be finished by 12.30 or so then half an hour to tidy up for the 7am - yes 7am - opening the next morning. Instead we had a queue round the block - we finished serving the last customer at just after 1.30am and got out around 2am. The mood was actually pretty fun, with most folk having a good time and several nice people who actually thanked us for opening at that time of night (thank you). We sold a couple of hundred copies in that time. The very last customer however, was an asshole. He asked for us to look some other books up for him. We told him we were only open for this HP sale and he’d have to come back during normal hours if he wanted other books checked. Then he asked us to get books from the area of the shop sealed off for the evening. When we told him the same thing again he muttered about poor customer service. I pointed out we were open at 1.30 am in the bloody morning - in my book that is damned good service! Some people are never happy. Mind you he was dressed like Gordon Gecko from Wall Street, complete with red braces, so we kind of guessed he was a fuckwit to begin with…Still, at least the sales mean we should get a much-deserved bonus for once.
Thursday, June 19, 2003
Gene therapy
Is it right to select the genetic make-up of your unborn child? Most people certainly don’t like the idea, with visions of SF dystopian futures like Gattaca or the eugenics of the early 20th century surfacing in their minds. Considering in this anniversary year of the discovery of DNA respectable scientists including James Watson, co-discoverer of the double helix (or man who ripped of his female colleague’s work depending what you read) have remarked that eugenics has had a bad press because of people like Hitler. Some of them think some forms of genetic screening and d children - is a good idea.
However today’s news concerning a genetically chosen bay specifically designed to be able to donate stem cells to his older brother is another matter. This couple seem keen to have more children but have had their new baby screened in order to have a child who will be able to donate material which may alleviate or even cure his desperately ill brother. Personally I can’t see a huge problem here - this isn’t the ‘designer baby’ of the scare tactics employed by ill-informed tabloid journalists. If a sibling were to be donating blood cells, bone marrow or organs to another family member we wouldn’t bat an eyelid. Selecting genes for appearance or mental enhancement I am not sure about, but I have no objection to today’s news.
Shame the couple had to go to the US to have the therapy as it is banned in the UK. Considering many US scientists have moved to the UK to conduct research because in Bush’s America the fundamentalist Christians have stymied much genetic research this is a real shame. As a lifelong SF fan and a keen reader of scientific material I am more than familiar with the possible down sides and the advantages of hi-tech scientific and medical breakthroughs. However, I think what I am saying is each of these cases has to be judged individually. As one ethicist on Question Time remarked, people create life everyday and often for rather more dubioous reasons - no-one questions them if there is a good reason for creating new life.
Is it right to select the genetic make-up of your unborn child? Most people certainly don’t like the idea, with visions of SF dystopian futures like Gattaca or the eugenics of the early 20th century surfacing in their minds. Considering in this anniversary year of the discovery of DNA respectable scientists including James Watson, co-discoverer of the double helix (or man who ripped of his female colleague’s work depending what you read) have remarked that eugenics has had a bad press because of people like Hitler. Some of them think some forms of genetic screening and d children - is a good idea.
However today’s news concerning a genetically chosen bay specifically designed to be able to donate stem cells to his older brother is another matter. This couple seem keen to have more children but have had their new baby screened in order to have a child who will be able to donate material which may alleviate or even cure his desperately ill brother. Personally I can’t see a huge problem here - this isn’t the ‘designer baby’ of the scare tactics employed by ill-informed tabloid journalists. If a sibling were to be donating blood cells, bone marrow or organs to another family member we wouldn’t bat an eyelid. Selecting genes for appearance or mental enhancement I am not sure about, but I have no objection to today’s news.
Shame the couple had to go to the US to have the therapy as it is banned in the UK. Considering many US scientists have moved to the UK to conduct research because in Bush’s America the fundamentalist Christians have stymied much genetic research this is a real shame. As a lifelong SF fan and a keen reader of scientific material I am more than familiar with the possible down sides and the advantages of hi-tech scientific and medical breakthroughs. However, I think what I am saying is each of these cases has to be judged individually. As one ethicist on Question Time remarked, people create life everyday and often for rather more dubioous reasons - no-one questions them if there is a good reason for creating new life.
WOOLAMLOO EDITOR ANNOUNCES GENETIC MANIPULATION
Yes, I have to admit that I have made us of advanced genetic manipulation. Dodgy scientists in Italy have taken DNA from me and created and embryonic clone. This embryo has had the genetic sequence manipulated to enhance certain qualities. These altered genes will eventually be integrated into my own double helix. This rewriting of my DNA will allow enhance my ability to actually balance my cheque account - I was unfortunately born with a genetic abnormality whereby I want to spend more than I can afford on my meagre bookselling income. Genetic therapy is my final hope. Well, apart from pulling a bank job.
Other than that the only genes I want to manipulate are the blue denim variety, preferably with a nice girly in them.
Yes, I have to admit that I have made us of advanced genetic manipulation. Dodgy scientists in Italy have taken DNA from me and created and embryonic clone. This embryo has had the genetic sequence manipulated to enhance certain qualities. These altered genes will eventually be integrated into my own double helix. This rewriting of my DNA will allow enhance my ability to actually balance my cheque account - I was unfortunately born with a genetic abnormality whereby I want to spend more than I can afford on my meagre bookselling income. Genetic therapy is my final hope. Well, apart from pulling a bank job.
Other than that the only genes I want to manipulate are the blue denim variety, preferably with a nice girly in them.
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
Harry Potter and the Screaming F**kwits
Only a few days to go to the new Harry Potter book. We’ve been asked every single fecking day for three years when it comes out. Now we have to open at bloody midnight on Friday to sell the bastard thing. What sort of sad fuck needs to come in at midnight to buy this piece of old toss? How sad is your life? And shouldn’t all those little kids be in bed by that time? So we will have screaming kids, dumb ass parents and being Princes Street on a Friday night/Saturday morning we’re bound to get more than a few bloody drunks. Oh the fun… Then the store reopens at 7am for more HP nonsense. So after bugger all sleep we’re all back in to deal with millions of bloody kids. A recipe for fun.
And the abuse we’re getting because J K Rowling can’t bother her arse to do some events - as if it is our fault she doesn’t care about her fans. One event for the whole of the UK is all she will do. She can’t even be bothered to do a signing session in Edinburgh, where she lives and where she wrote the first book in a city café. Nice. Some excuses about how it would be too busy if she did one are proffered. Well bollocks to that - I’ve watched Terry Pratchett deal with queues which go round the block. He will sit there and sign for hours, chatting to every fan until the last one is done. Then he does it across the rest of the UK. And America, Australia… Now if Terry can do large-scale tours across several continents each year then why the hell can’t Rowling do a handful every two or three years? Today author tours are a standard part of a writer’s job. However because of her fame Bloomsbury will obviously not push J K on this. Personally I think it shows a lack of consideration for your fans to avoid even a few events. And when you can’t be bothered to play your home town that really doesn’t say much for you.
In a related tale this week it emerged she was under so much pressure for the next Potter book that she considered breaking her arm to get out of writing. Now I’m sure she is under pressure, but for someone who started out famously scribbling in an Edinburgh café because she couldn’t afford to heat her wee flat to moan about the horrors of being rich, famous and having millions love your books makes me sick. Oh woe, this fame and money and success is soooo awful to deal with... Guess I'll need to buy another expensive flat in Edinburgh and another Perthshire estate..
Only a few days to go to the new Harry Potter book. We’ve been asked every single fecking day for three years when it comes out. Now we have to open at bloody midnight on Friday to sell the bastard thing. What sort of sad fuck needs to come in at midnight to buy this piece of old toss? How sad is your life? And shouldn’t all those little kids be in bed by that time? So we will have screaming kids, dumb ass parents and being Princes Street on a Friday night/Saturday morning we’re bound to get more than a few bloody drunks. Oh the fun… Then the store reopens at 7am for more HP nonsense. So after bugger all sleep we’re all back in to deal with millions of bloody kids. A recipe for fun.
And the abuse we’re getting because J K Rowling can’t bother her arse to do some events - as if it is our fault she doesn’t care about her fans. One event for the whole of the UK is all she will do. She can’t even be bothered to do a signing session in Edinburgh, where she lives and where she wrote the first book in a city café. Nice. Some excuses about how it would be too busy if she did one are proffered. Well bollocks to that - I’ve watched Terry Pratchett deal with queues which go round the block. He will sit there and sign for hours, chatting to every fan until the last one is done. Then he does it across the rest of the UK. And America, Australia… Now if Terry can do large-scale tours across several continents each year then why the hell can’t Rowling do a handful every two or three years? Today author tours are a standard part of a writer’s job. However because of her fame Bloomsbury will obviously not push J K on this. Personally I think it shows a lack of consideration for your fans to avoid even a few events. And when you can’t be bothered to play your home town that really doesn’t say much for you.
In a related tale this week it emerged she was under so much pressure for the next Potter book that she considered breaking her arm to get out of writing. Now I’m sure she is under pressure, but for someone who started out famously scribbling in an Edinburgh café because she couldn’t afford to heat her wee flat to moan about the horrors of being rich, famous and having millions love your books makes me sick. Oh woe, this fame and money and success is soooo awful to deal with... Guess I'll need to buy another expensive flat in Edinburgh and another Perthshire estate..
MANCHESTER F.U. LOSES STAR EDITOR IN TRANSFER
The Science Fiction and Fantasy community was stunned today to hear the news that the star editor Ariel could be about to transfer from Manchester F.U. (Fantasy Union) to Unreal Madrid. In addition to his balletic editing skills, Ariel is also an asset to Manchester for his brand image. Ariel T-shirts are sold to MFU fans across the world, from Deansgate to Tokyo, bringing in vast amounts for Manchester. The rumours of an impending transfer have been heightened by the sighting of Ariel and his equally glamorous wife house hunting in Madrid. The couple were said to be especially keen on homes with cat friendly terrain for their ‘baby’ Hobbes and ideally bookstore and pub adjacent. More as we get it.
The Science Fiction and Fantasy community was stunned today to hear the news that the star editor Ariel could be about to transfer from Manchester F.U. (Fantasy Union) to Unreal Madrid. In addition to his balletic editing skills, Ariel is also an asset to Manchester for his brand image. Ariel T-shirts are sold to MFU fans across the world, from Deansgate to Tokyo, bringing in vast amounts for Manchester. The rumours of an impending transfer have been heightened by the sighting of Ariel and his equally glamorous wife house hunting in Madrid. The couple were said to be especially keen on homes with cat friendly terrain for their ‘baby’ Hobbes and ideally bookstore and pub adjacent. More as we get it.
Picked up on this story in Publisher’s Weekly via a link on the excellent Neil Gaiman’s blog (please tell us you’re going to come over and visit us in Edinburgh again with the new book in the Autumn please, Neil). Seems more and more booksellers are waking up to the sales potential of a well-managed graphic novels sections. Award winning publications such as the fantastic Jimmy Corrigan by Chris Ware and the hard-hitting Palestine by Joe Sacco have raised the profile amongst the non comic reading public in a way not seen since Spiegelman’s groundbreaking Maus.
Naturally some of us (activating Smug Mode) have known about this for a very long time. When I first started at Waterstone’s in Edinburgh we had a tiny amount of GNs - some Watchmen, some Dark Knight Returns, V for Vendetta and that’s about it. Over a decade and it now has a very broad range, from traditional superheroes to vampires, manga-style mythology to political commentary. I’m also proud to say my humble section - which accounts for many thousands of pounds for our store from a very small section each year - contains action, romance, history, politics, mythology, theology, blasphemy, fornication, drugs, sex, supernatural critters, and plenty of humour. Some are straightforward tales, others are staggeringly complex examples of storytelling, littered with references to other works, world politics and folklore and commentary. Anyone who tells you these are just comic books and for kids is a fool who needs to read more - send them my way and I’ll give them a damn fine reading list. Or have a look at some of the excellent reviews many of us post of some damned good graphic novels on the award-winning (I love being able to say that) Alien Online.
And still we’re expanding the range as we find more we like and more folk’s give their ideas too (one day Alex will get his copy of Quimby in the store).
Oh and a big thank you to Mr and Mrs Ariel for both dinner and a fun night in Edinburgh last week and the kind words about the section in our wee bookstore. Nice to finally meet him in the flesh after all those years. I’ve known Ariel since he edited the Waterstone’s Guide to SF back in the 90s when I was writing material for it. The good old days when Waterstone’s was a real bookstore and employed the expert knowledge of dedicated booksellers… sigh…
Naturally some of us (activating Smug Mode) have known about this for a very long time. When I first started at Waterstone’s in Edinburgh we had a tiny amount of GNs - some Watchmen, some Dark Knight Returns, V for Vendetta and that’s about it. Over a decade and it now has a very broad range, from traditional superheroes to vampires, manga-style mythology to political commentary. I’m also proud to say my humble section - which accounts for many thousands of pounds for our store from a very small section each year - contains action, romance, history, politics, mythology, theology, blasphemy, fornication, drugs, sex, supernatural critters, and plenty of humour. Some are straightforward tales, others are staggeringly complex examples of storytelling, littered with references to other works, world politics and folklore and commentary. Anyone who tells you these are just comic books and for kids is a fool who needs to read more - send them my way and I’ll give them a damn fine reading list. Or have a look at some of the excellent reviews many of us post of some damned good graphic novels on the award-winning (I love being able to say that) Alien Online.
And still we’re expanding the range as we find more we like and more folk’s give their ideas too (one day Alex will get his copy of Quimby in the store).
Oh and a big thank you to Mr and Mrs Ariel for both dinner and a fun night in Edinburgh last week and the kind words about the section in our wee bookstore. Nice to finally meet him in the flesh after all those years. I’ve known Ariel since he edited the Waterstone’s Guide to SF back in the 90s when I was writing material for it. The good old days when Waterstone’s was a real bookstore and employed the expert knowledge of dedicated booksellers… sigh…
Monday, June 16, 2003
TRANSPORT RESEARCH SHOWS UK NEEDS TROLLS TO BEAT CONGESTION
An influential research paper on the future of transport in the United Kingdom was released today. The committee’s findings made bleak reading, with implications that, with car ownership and usage increasing each year the UK road system will be in total gridlock by 2010. The researchers have proposed a controversial measure to the government to combat this threat - road pricing.
Two differing methods of road pricing have been offered for consideration. The first is the straightforward Capitalist Ownership Paved Outdoor Unrestricted Tarmac system, or COPOUT. This basically involves car drivers purchasing a section of black top for their own use. This does have several drawbacks however. The most obvious being that only the very wealthy will be able to afford to purchase sufficient tarmac routes to make motoring worthwhile. The committee has suggested poorer drivers could purchase a series of ’time shares’ in section of roads with a pool of other drivers.
The other method is one favoured in much of Europe, especially in Scandinavian nations - Troll Roads. In order to pay for the upkeep of the road system and also discourage unnecessary road usage these countries a series of tolls are collected at key areas. As bridges are the most expensive components to build and maintain this is where the tolls are collected. To ensure compliance by reluctant motorists trolls are used. These fearsome creatures collect payments and have the use of the underside of the bridge as a home, a mutually beneficial system. For this reason the system is known as the Troll Toll.
An influential research paper on the future of transport in the United Kingdom was released today. The committee’s findings made bleak reading, with implications that, with car ownership and usage increasing each year the UK road system will be in total gridlock by 2010. The researchers have proposed a controversial measure to the government to combat this threat - road pricing.
Two differing methods of road pricing have been offered for consideration. The first is the straightforward Capitalist Ownership Paved Outdoor Unrestricted Tarmac system, or COPOUT. This basically involves car drivers purchasing a section of black top for their own use. This does have several drawbacks however. The most obvious being that only the very wealthy will be able to afford to purchase sufficient tarmac routes to make motoring worthwhile. The committee has suggested poorer drivers could purchase a series of ’time shares’ in section of roads with a pool of other drivers.
The other method is one favoured in much of Europe, especially in Scandinavian nations - Troll Roads. In order to pay for the upkeep of the road system and also discourage unnecessary road usage these countries a series of tolls are collected at key areas. As bridges are the most expensive components to build and maintain this is where the tolls are collected. To ensure compliance by reluctant motorists trolls are used. These fearsome creatures collect payments and have the use of the underside of the bridge as a home, a mutually beneficial system. For this reason the system is known as the Troll Toll.
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
Whatcha gonna be when you grow up?
Why not have a little fun with this site, Playmash? Take a quick quiz to see who you will mary, where you will live and what you will be when you grow up. Apparently I will live in Apartment, will drive a blue lotus, will marry jeri ryan and have kids and will be a writer in antarctica. Well I do live in an apartment. I don't drive a Lotus but I do have some lotus flower oil for my burner. Jeri Ryan and the writing gig in Antarctica are presumably on the way...
Why not have a little fun with this site, Playmash? Take a quick quiz to see who you will mary, where you will live and what you will be when you grow up. Apparently I will live in Apartment, will drive a blue lotus, will marry jeri ryan and have kids and will be a writer in antarctica. Well I do live in an apartment. I don't drive a Lotus but I do have some lotus flower oil for my burner. Jeri Ryan and the writing gig in Antarctica are presumably on the way...
Wonderful customer today - an elderly American lady who comes up to me in the bookstore and asks where we keep our tapes of Welsh choral music. I point out that we sell books and only books and if we did have some music it probably wouldn’t be Welsh choral music. She then asks me where she can buy miniature bottles of Irish whisky in Edinburgh. Who the hell comes to Scotland to buy Irish whisky??? Why come all the way here, the home of the finest malts known to humanity and then ask for a second rate whisky from another country? I couldn’t help it, I had to tell her that she was obviously in the wrong country!
Before you all nod and go ‘dumb tourist’ it turned out she was actually embarrassed - she had been asked to pick these up on her Scottish holiday by friends back home. So there is that poor woman going round the capital of Scotland looking for Welsh music and Irish whisky
Before you all nod and go ‘dumb tourist’ it turned out she was actually embarrassed - she had been asked to pick these up on her Scottish holiday by friends back home. So there is that poor woman going round the capital of Scotland looking for Welsh music and Irish whisky
Adman must die!!!
I can’t take it any longer - we must take action. That annoying wee camp bugger with the frog eyes and ridiculous glasses who advertises the Halifax. He was bloody irritating when he did live adverts. Now they’ve made him into a series of animated adverts he’s smegging well insufferable. “Who give you extra?” I’ll give the wee git extra napalm right in his animated butt. For the sake of civilization the wee git must die slowly, the adverts must be burned and the spawn of evil advertisers who created these nauseating ads must be publicly flayed.
I can’t take it any longer - we must take action. That annoying wee camp bugger with the frog eyes and ridiculous glasses who advertises the Halifax. He was bloody irritating when he did live adverts. Now they’ve made him into a series of animated adverts he’s smegging well insufferable. “Who give you extra?” I’ll give the wee git extra napalm right in his animated butt. For the sake of civilization the wee git must die slowly, the adverts must be burned and the spawn of evil advertisers who created these nauseating ads must be publicly flayed.
Satanism, underage porn, S&M - a naughty book? Hell no, just a tabloid rag stirring it up as usual...
I made the mistake of glancing through a tabloid rag - the term ‘newspaper’ does not fit - that someone left lying around the staff room at work. What do I spot but a very large article about one of my favourite authors, the writer and artist Daniel Clowes. Seems some young girl picked up a copy of his graphic novel Ghost World from the kid’s section in a library in Musselburgh. The Daily Record had a field day, painting the novel as a dreadfully sexually explicit tawdry tale of swearing, sex, S&M, child porn and Satanism.
Anyone who has read this excellent novel, or watched the film (my joint review is here on the award-winning Alien if you’re interested) knows this warped view synopsis is somewhat inaccurate. Ghost World, like many of the works of Dan Clowes, addresses issues we all deal with, such as alienation, ageing, coming to terms with life and its challenges and disappointments. Sure, it shouldn’t be in the kid’s section of the library. Probably some poor librarian who doesn’t know it filed it there because they thought it was a kid’s picture book. But they rampantly biased and selective view the Daily Record gave of the book stopped just short of demanding a book burning. Tabloid newspapers - there should be a law against them.
I made the mistake of glancing through a tabloid rag - the term ‘newspaper’ does not fit - that someone left lying around the staff room at work. What do I spot but a very large article about one of my favourite authors, the writer and artist Daniel Clowes. Seems some young girl picked up a copy of his graphic novel Ghost World from the kid’s section in a library in Musselburgh. The Daily Record had a field day, painting the novel as a dreadfully sexually explicit tawdry tale of swearing, sex, S&M, child porn and Satanism.
Anyone who has read this excellent novel, or watched the film (my joint review is here on the award-winning Alien if you’re interested) knows this warped view synopsis is somewhat inaccurate. Ghost World, like many of the works of Dan Clowes, addresses issues we all deal with, such as alienation, ageing, coming to terms with life and its challenges and disappointments. Sure, it shouldn’t be in the kid’s section of the library. Probably some poor librarian who doesn’t know it filed it there because they thought it was a kid’s picture book. But they rampantly biased and selective view the Daily Record gave of the book stopped just short of demanding a book burning. Tabloid newspapers - there should be a law against them.
British Muslims and Jews Unite!
Yes, incredible but true - according to an article in the Independent British Jews and Muslims have found common ground. A recent committee has been examining the slaughter of animals for Halaal (Muslim) or Kosher (Jewish) food stores. Both have strict rules governing the slaughter of food animals according to their religion. Britain, being the nation of cuddly animal lovers that we are, has very strict rules on the slaughter of animals. In order to be humane they must be stunned before being killed.
The law exempts these religious groups who choose to slaughter several million animals a year by the simple process of tying them up and slitting their throats, waiting for the unfortunate animal to expire by bleeding to death. They claim this is more humane than stunning the animal. Excuse me while I say WHAT?!?!?
The committee agrees with me and has recommended to the government that these groups should go by the same law as all British slaughterhouses. Predictably the religious creeps have cried out that this violates their sacred rights etc, etc. My considered response is that if your religion involves torturing an animal to death then bollocks to you. One Jewish leader played the WWII card of course - you can never criticize Jewish groups of Israel without the old anti-Semitism charge of them using the war as a get out of jail card to do whatever they want, rest of the world be damned.
In fact he said banning kosher production was the first thing Hitler did in 1933. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Having humane regulations for animal slaughter means next we’re rounding folk up for a nasty kind of shower? Is he forgetting the country that has these rules is the same country who fought those Nazis for 6 long years (while in the Holy Land radical Jews were putting bombs under British soldier’s cars and shooting them in terrorist attacks, including a future Israeli prime minister). It is the 21st century and time these religious fragwits realised it. If they don’t like the rule then bollocks to them. I don’t care for religion of any persuasion, but I tolerate it - they should tolerate the laws of the land to apply to them as well as the bulk of the population. The animal must be undamaged of it is not kosher to eat. Stunning cause damage so it is not acceptable apparently. Hmmm, what exactly do they call slitting the animal’s throat? That’s pretty big damage surely?
Of course being an atheist who is also a vegetarian I’d rather they didn’t kill animals at all. Religion - oughta be a law against it.
Yes, incredible but true - according to an article in the Independent British Jews and Muslims have found common ground. A recent committee has been examining the slaughter of animals for Halaal (Muslim) or Kosher (Jewish) food stores. Both have strict rules governing the slaughter of food animals according to their religion. Britain, being the nation of cuddly animal lovers that we are, has very strict rules on the slaughter of animals. In order to be humane they must be stunned before being killed.
The law exempts these religious groups who choose to slaughter several million animals a year by the simple process of tying them up and slitting their throats, waiting for the unfortunate animal to expire by bleeding to death. They claim this is more humane than stunning the animal. Excuse me while I say WHAT?!?!?
The committee agrees with me and has recommended to the government that these groups should go by the same law as all British slaughterhouses. Predictably the religious creeps have cried out that this violates their sacred rights etc, etc. My considered response is that if your religion involves torturing an animal to death then bollocks to you. One Jewish leader played the WWII card of course - you can never criticize Jewish groups of Israel without the old anti-Semitism charge of them using the war as a get out of jail card to do whatever they want, rest of the world be damned.
In fact he said banning kosher production was the first thing Hitler did in 1933. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Having humane regulations for animal slaughter means next we’re rounding folk up for a nasty kind of shower? Is he forgetting the country that has these rules is the same country who fought those Nazis for 6 long years (while in the Holy Land radical Jews were putting bombs under British soldier’s cars and shooting them in terrorist attacks, including a future Israeli prime minister). It is the 21st century and time these religious fragwits realised it. If they don’t like the rule then bollocks to them. I don’t care for religion of any persuasion, but I tolerate it - they should tolerate the laws of the land to apply to them as well as the bulk of the population. The animal must be undamaged of it is not kosher to eat. Stunning cause damage so it is not acceptable apparently. Hmmm, what exactly do they call slitting the animal’s throat? That’s pretty big damage surely?
Of course being an atheist who is also a vegetarian I’d rather they didn’t kill animals at all. Religion - oughta be a law against it.
Friday, June 6, 2003
US & UK TO EXPAND SEARCH FOR SADDAM’S WMDs
In a week which has seen Tony Blair squirming as both the public and members of parliament have accused him of misleading the House over Saddam’s weapons the UK & US have announced plans to dramatically expand the diameter of their weapons search radius.
With the launch of the cutting edge British space probe Beagle II to Mars this week the coalition forces now have a unique opportunity to search a perfect hiding place for Saddam’s missing WMDs. Donald Rumsfeld took time out from looking like a man who’s just had a large lemon shoved up his arse to explain that Saddam was a cunning fiend and hiding his weapons on a different planet was exactly the sort of thing he would do to confound and humiliate the allies. John Reid added that he agreed with Mr. Rumsfeld and that Saddam probably had some aid in this, no doubt from ’rogue agents’.
So the Beagle II will now search for evidence of microbial life or micro fossils in the Martian soil, evidence of liquid water in past times and possible places of concealment for Weapons of Mass Destruction. Some have hinted that perhaps Saddam himself cannot be found in the burning sands of Iraq because he too has hidden himself in the cooler sands of Mars. President Bush is already said to be considering ’liberating’ the red planet. Tony Blair has once more re-iterated that in order to produce the proof that he was right and didn’t mislead the British public the investigators needed more time. Obviously searching Mars will take even more time than we previously thought. “That’s what we said a few months ago,” said Hans Blix. Naturally with that kind of petulant attitude we won’t be asking those pesky UN inspectors back.
When asked how the Iraqi dictator got his weapons to Mars when his missiles had a range of less than a hundred miles a Pentagon scientist postulated that perhaps they tied a bunch of them together.
In a week which has seen Tony Blair squirming as both the public and members of parliament have accused him of misleading the House over Saddam’s weapons the UK & US have announced plans to dramatically expand the diameter of their weapons search radius.
With the launch of the cutting edge British space probe Beagle II to Mars this week the coalition forces now have a unique opportunity to search a perfect hiding place for Saddam’s missing WMDs. Donald Rumsfeld took time out from looking like a man who’s just had a large lemon shoved up his arse to explain that Saddam was a cunning fiend and hiding his weapons on a different planet was exactly the sort of thing he would do to confound and humiliate the allies. John Reid added that he agreed with Mr. Rumsfeld and that Saddam probably had some aid in this, no doubt from ’rogue agents’.
So the Beagle II will now search for evidence of microbial life or micro fossils in the Martian soil, evidence of liquid water in past times and possible places of concealment for Weapons of Mass Destruction. Some have hinted that perhaps Saddam himself cannot be found in the burning sands of Iraq because he too has hidden himself in the cooler sands of Mars. President Bush is already said to be considering ’liberating’ the red planet. Tony Blair has once more re-iterated that in order to produce the proof that he was right and didn’t mislead the British public the investigators needed more time. Obviously searching Mars will take even more time than we previously thought. “That’s what we said a few months ago,” said Hans Blix. Naturally with that kind of petulant attitude we won’t be asking those pesky UN inspectors back.
When asked how the Iraqi dictator got his weapons to Mars when his missiles had a range of less than a hundred miles a Pentagon scientist postulated that perhaps they tied a bunch of them together.
Thursday, June 5, 2003
Heard the one about the Alien and the Wooden Rocket?
Just heard the great news that our most excellent SF website The Alien Online has won a Wooden Rocket award for best online magazine.This is the first year the awards have run, voted for by the readers of the SF Crow'snest. As each person could only vote once it obviously wasn't ballot-stuffing by the TAO crew but genuine votes by people who obviously appreciate and enjoy what we all do there. It's a very rewarding feeling for myself, I'm sure the rest of the crew are over a number of moons and a very welcome pat on the back (with rubber gloves in case he's still contagious) for the site editor Ariel. As we all do this for the love of it it means even more to know that the SF community out there really do appreciate what we're doing. Thanks to those who voted and to the Crow'snest.
Just heard the great news that our most excellent SF website The Alien Online has won a Wooden Rocket award for best online magazine.This is the first year the awards have run, voted for by the readers of the SF Crow'snest. As each person could only vote once it obviously wasn't ballot-stuffing by the TAO crew but genuine votes by people who obviously appreciate and enjoy what we all do there. It's a very rewarding feeling for myself, I'm sure the rest of the crew are over a number of moons and a very welcome pat on the back (with rubber gloves in case he's still contagious) for the site editor Ariel. As we all do this for the love of it it means even more to know that the SF community out there really do appreciate what we're doing. Thanks to those who voted and to the Crow'snest.
Ned culture (surely a contradiction if ever there was?)
Rosie ‘Citizen’ Kane, newly elected Socialist MSP made another proud stand for the advancement of Scotland today when she took up parliamentary time to demand that the word ‘Ned’ be banned from use within the Scottish executive. This is not an anti-Flanders movement - for those unfamiliar with the term a Ned is a Scottish term used to describe a certain rather unsavoury type of character from the lower regions of our society.
Your average Ned will be covered in a shell suit - preferably Kappa - regardless of the weather. Baseball hats, especially Burberry ones (bizarrely) are highly prized, as is cheap and tacky gold jewellery and expensive sports shoes. No Ned is truly complete without his bottle of fortified wine and a packet of fags (fortunately these assist in keeping the Ned population manageable by killing them off at an early age - alas they breed at an even earlier age). The nasal whine, inability to communicate above the level of a mentally impaired four year old child and a posture which indicates the Ned has yet to fully master the rudiments of upright locomotion are all trademarks of the Ned (anthropological classification Homo Schemiescumitus Neddius).Those who still don't believe in evolution - look upon the Ned, for he illustrates perfectly one of the much earlier, less evolved hominids than modern homo sapiens.
So should the term be banned because, as Red Rosie says, it is derogatory? Indeed not I say - in fact this section of our society requires more degrading. Rosie obviously hasn’t had to deal with these little Kappa-clad, foul-mouthed monsters coming into her bookstore and stealing Irvine Welsh books for someone to read to them and giving the bookseller torrents of abuse and threats.
I am prepared, in a conciliatory move, to use alternative terms however. Schemie scum is one I will gladly use. Poor White Trash, wee sleekit bastards, Cro-Magnon… Although the title I’d prefer for them is a series of numbers and letters - the type you are given in prison. When will the government see sense and simply arrest all the people who wear shell suits and Burberry baseball hats? We could cut crime by 60% over night. Meanwhile, Rosie, try getting on with doing some of the serious bloody work you were elected to do and stop arsing about defending these wee gobshites.
Rosie ‘Citizen’ Kane, newly elected Socialist MSP made another proud stand for the advancement of Scotland today when she took up parliamentary time to demand that the word ‘Ned’ be banned from use within the Scottish executive. This is not an anti-Flanders movement - for those unfamiliar with the term a Ned is a Scottish term used to describe a certain rather unsavoury type of character from the lower regions of our society.
Your average Ned will be covered in a shell suit - preferably Kappa - regardless of the weather. Baseball hats, especially Burberry ones (bizarrely) are highly prized, as is cheap and tacky gold jewellery and expensive sports shoes. No Ned is truly complete without his bottle of fortified wine and a packet of fags (fortunately these assist in keeping the Ned population manageable by killing them off at an early age - alas they breed at an even earlier age). The nasal whine, inability to communicate above the level of a mentally impaired four year old child and a posture which indicates the Ned has yet to fully master the rudiments of upright locomotion are all trademarks of the Ned (anthropological classification Homo Schemiescumitus Neddius).Those who still don't believe in evolution - look upon the Ned, for he illustrates perfectly one of the much earlier, less evolved hominids than modern homo sapiens.
So should the term be banned because, as Red Rosie says, it is derogatory? Indeed not I say - in fact this section of our society requires more degrading. Rosie obviously hasn’t had to deal with these little Kappa-clad, foul-mouthed monsters coming into her bookstore and stealing Irvine Welsh books for someone to read to them and giving the bookseller torrents of abuse and threats.
I am prepared, in a conciliatory move, to use alternative terms however. Schemie scum is one I will gladly use. Poor White Trash, wee sleekit bastards, Cro-Magnon… Although the title I’d prefer for them is a series of numbers and letters - the type you are given in prison. When will the government see sense and simply arrest all the people who wear shell suits and Burberry baseball hats? We could cut crime by 60% over night. Meanwhile, Rosie, try getting on with doing some of the serious bloody work you were elected to do and stop arsing about defending these wee gobshites.
FLYING PIGS RETURN FROM IRAQ
No. 671 Squadron, Royal Air Force - better known as the famous Flying Pigs - have returned from their tour of duty in Iraq. The Flying Pigs are, of course, most famous for their daring missions during World War Two and the Falklands.
671 were formed from a group of volunteer porkers during the Second World War from a covert animal section of SOE (Special Operations Executive). They began as commando-trained infiltrators, dropping into occupied Europe to assist the resistance groups and sabotage Nazi war efforts. Following on from this these gallant British porkers were trained in advanced piloting and air navigation, forming their own special squadron, 671 Squadron. The Flying Pigs carried out many secret missions over occupied Europe, including eating all of Heinrich Himmler’s truffles, crapping in Hitler’s slippers and pinning down Rommel’s armoured divisions to stop them attacking the D-Day landing forces.
The Flying Pigs operated in all theatres of the war except in the Jewish part of Palestine. During the Falklands 671 flew in under radar to attack Argentinean airbases. Half RAF and half SAS these modern attack-porkers instilled terror in the hearts of the Argentine forces, who dreaded the snort in the night. General Galtieri had all pigs in Argentina interned for the duration in case some were undercover members of 671 or else sympathetic to them (671 had flown in an out of occupied France, Denmark and Norway during WWII using the contacts they had established in local farms). Regardless of our views on the morality of the recent war, we salute the members of 671 Squadron who have once more carried out their duties for their country and honoured the memories of those pigs who went before them.
No. 671 Squadron, Royal Air Force - better known as the famous Flying Pigs - have returned from their tour of duty in Iraq. The Flying Pigs are, of course, most famous for their daring missions during World War Two and the Falklands.
671 were formed from a group of volunteer porkers during the Second World War from a covert animal section of SOE (Special Operations Executive). They began as commando-trained infiltrators, dropping into occupied Europe to assist the resistance groups and sabotage Nazi war efforts. Following on from this these gallant British porkers were trained in advanced piloting and air navigation, forming their own special squadron, 671 Squadron. The Flying Pigs carried out many secret missions over occupied Europe, including eating all of Heinrich Himmler’s truffles, crapping in Hitler’s slippers and pinning down Rommel’s armoured divisions to stop them attacking the D-Day landing forces.
The Flying Pigs operated in all theatres of the war except in the Jewish part of Palestine. During the Falklands 671 flew in under radar to attack Argentinean airbases. Half RAF and half SAS these modern attack-porkers instilled terror in the hearts of the Argentine forces, who dreaded the snort in the night. General Galtieri had all pigs in Argentina interned for the duration in case some were undercover members of 671 or else sympathetic to them (671 had flown in an out of occupied France, Denmark and Norway during WWII using the contacts they had established in local farms). Regardless of our views on the morality of the recent war, we salute the members of 671 Squadron who have once more carried out their duties for their country and honoured the memories of those pigs who went before them.
Thought I might take a virtual leaf from Alex’s blog to mention some of the music I’ve been listening too recently. Realised it would almost be the same as Alex’s blog because I’ve been listening to his groovy Fog albums and the chilled-out ambience of the Boards of Canada, slow-grooving to them by the light of my lava lamp, much to the amusements of the cats.
Right now I am listening to a band called Nickel Creek that my chum Kate from Virginia put me on to. Proper bluegrass folksy stuff (including one based around a Robert Burns song) - bluegrass meets Cowboy Junkies I suppose. Gorgeous stuff. Passed on some Robert Johnson early blues to her - proper sold my soul to the devil at the crossroads kind of blues.
On a completely different note I can’t help wonder how Alex got on with the Alice Cooper I loaned to him. Maybe I’ll hit him with some Yo Yo Ma on Bach cello next. Let it never be said my tastes are not broad ranging.
Right now I am listening to a band called Nickel Creek that my chum Kate from Virginia put me on to. Proper bluegrass folksy stuff (including one based around a Robert Burns song) - bluegrass meets Cowboy Junkies I suppose. Gorgeous stuff. Passed on some Robert Johnson early blues to her - proper sold my soul to the devil at the crossroads kind of blues.
On a completely different note I can’t help wonder how Alex got on with the Alice Cooper I loaned to him. Maybe I’ll hit him with some Yo Yo Ma on Bach cello next. Let it never be said my tastes are not broad ranging.
Tuesday, June 3, 2003
New Wave from Cannes Festival
This year’s Cannes Film Festival had a number of well-regarded films by independent movie makers. As the mainstream press has barely mentioned them we at the Gazette have decided to give you a heads-up on some forthcoming celluloid gold to watch for between the summer blockbusters.
Antarctic Africa: Fred, a penguin from the Antarctic, is having a mid-life crisis and decides he will live out his boyhood dream to take part in the Paris-Dakar rally. Accompanied only by his best mate - Iceman, a novelty ice cube - he sets out from the French capital for the burning sands of North Africa. In the middle of the desert his rally car’s air-conditioning breaks down - now the race is to save his friend Iceman before he melts. A touching adventure buddy-movie for all the family. It may not play too well in America due to the French connection.
Bugling in the Borgo Pass: an 800-year old vampire realises his undead life is passing him by. In a bid to get back into society he forms a brass band with other vampires and tours Transylvania. Their musical fun is suddenly threatened by their own success when the undead band win through to the finals of al Eastern Europe Brass Band Pageant only to find it’s being held in a Cathedral with the world’s biggest crucifix. From the makers of Dead and Undeader and Dude where's my Coffin?
This year’s Cannes Film Festival had a number of well-regarded films by independent movie makers. As the mainstream press has barely mentioned them we at the Gazette have decided to give you a heads-up on some forthcoming celluloid gold to watch for between the summer blockbusters.
Antarctic Africa: Fred, a penguin from the Antarctic, is having a mid-life crisis and decides he will live out his boyhood dream to take part in the Paris-Dakar rally. Accompanied only by his best mate - Iceman, a novelty ice cube - he sets out from the French capital for the burning sands of North Africa. In the middle of the desert his rally car’s air-conditioning breaks down - now the race is to save his friend Iceman before he melts. A touching adventure buddy-movie for all the family. It may not play too well in America due to the French connection.
Bugling in the Borgo Pass: an 800-year old vampire realises his undead life is passing him by. In a bid to get back into society he forms a brass band with other vampires and tours Transylvania. Their musical fun is suddenly threatened by their own success when the undead band win through to the finals of al Eastern Europe Brass Band Pageant only to find it’s being held in a Cathedral with the world’s biggest crucifix. From the makers of Dead and Undeader and Dude where's my Coffin?
Journalists were also shown a short teaser trailer for the long anticipated revival of a British movie classic series - the return of the Carry On movies. Despite the death of most of the original principal cast members they will all return - cutting edge CGI is being used to bring virtual versions of the actors back for a 21st century performance. The Gulf War spoof Carry on Baghdad will be the first in the new series. A CGI version of Sid James will play George W. Bush while one of the few surviving members, Jim Dale, will play Tony Blair. Newcomers to the cast will include a blacked-up Alexi Sayle as Colin Powell, James Belushi as General Tommy Franks and Gene Wilder as Dick Cheyney. Mel Brooks will direct and also cameo as Hitler. A sequel is already planned - Carry on CIA will again have a CGI Sid James as President Bush while Jerry Seinfeld is tipped to play the head of the CIA who is asked to ‘beef up’ intelligence reports on countries Bush doesn’t like.
Sunday, June 1, 2003
Strange dreams
I had a most peculiar dream last night. I dreamt that I was writing, directing and starring in my very own remake of the remake of Ocean’s Eleven. Except in my version my gang was going to Las Vegas to commit a different type of ultimate heist. We were going to richest homes of the Mafia bosses who owned the biggest, most successful casinos in Vegas. We were going to do something no gang of thieves had ever managed in this desert town. We were going to steal all of their swimming pools. Heist the swimming pools of every casino mob boss in Las Vegas. And we would do it in style.
I had a most peculiar dream last night. I dreamt that I was writing, directing and starring in my very own remake of the remake of Ocean’s Eleven. Except in my version my gang was going to Las Vegas to commit a different type of ultimate heist. We were going to richest homes of the Mafia bosses who owned the biggest, most successful casinos in Vegas. We were going to do something no gang of thieves had ever managed in this desert town. We were going to steal all of their swimming pools. Heist the swimming pools of every casino mob boss in Las Vegas. And we would do it in style.
We had that Peter Tatchell in our bookstore today, buying from our SF section. A nice Greg Bear books, so obviously Peter is not only an SF fan but one with taste too boot. Many folks will recall the protests he held in Paris recently, especially over Mugabe’s visit. Protests that the French government tried to stymie illegally. Nice to see the leaders of other countries are just as prepared to subvert the democratic process when it suits them as our leaders are (see we all have so much in common!). It didn’t stop Peter of course, a veteran campaigner for gay rights, civil liberties and peace. We need more people like you, Peter, because there’s way too many of the bad guys out there, especially the ones who are pretending to be the good guys. He’s very welcome back in our store anytime. George Bush can bugger off, not that we’re likely to find him wanting to buy a book in our store. Not the most literary man in the world, is he? A shame in a way as I could direct him to some excellent Noam Chomsky books on the post 9-11 world, The Best Democracy Money Can Buy (about the Florida election debacle) and of course, Michael Moore’s Stupid White Men. Maybe Uncle Dick could read it to him sometime and Condaleeza Rice could take time out from having oil tankers named after her (will they name the oil slick after her if it bursts on the Alaska coast too?) to help them with the very big words.
Well, according to the growing news stories this weekend (beginning in the Guardian and then on into the BBC and others) it appears our esteemed leaders may have been economical with the truth. Of course, when a resource is in short supply it has to be strictly rationed and the truth is no different. It has been suggested that Tony Blair, and George Bush asked their intelligence gathering services to ‘massage’ their reports on weapons of mass destruction (or WMD as all the kids are calling it these days) in Iraq. The intelligence communities made clear that they had no concrete proof of any such weapons. This was something of a shame as this was Bush and Blair’s main excuse for bombing the crap out of Iraq. So Bush had his own agency gather information which was more appropriate to his needs.
These suggestions have not just been invented by liberal or left wing media types. They have come from leaks within both British and American intelligence and from blatant interviews by former intelligence officers, including one who worked for years with President Bush Senior. These are not the first leaks from MI5, MI6 and the CIA which have flatly contradicted what our elected leaders have told us. Blair tells us he knows something we don’t (again - this excuse is wearing very thin) and that he will make this ‘evidence’ available soon to the people of the UK. What are they doing? Why is it taking so long to show us this ‘compelling evidence’? Are they taking longer to fabricate it than they thought? Perhaps they need to find the right post-graduate dissertation to rip off again.
There are two main possibilities which present themselves here. First of all, if there are no WMD found in Iraq but our intelligence did really predict there would be then our intelligence gathering on a major enemy was incredibly poor. Given how important intelligence is in the ‘war against terror’ - and there’s nothing like killing civilians to end terror - this would mean the West has a major weakness in it’s defences? If we can’t get this right how can we expect them to infiltrate and intercept terrorists determined to attack another civilian target in one of our cities? On the other hand, if the reports are true and Bush and Blair had their reports doctored to suit their war agenda then it means our elected leaders lied to our representatives and to the people. It would mean they committed our troops to an illegal war on a trumped up charge. It would mean both leaders should be impeached at once and arrainged on charges of misleading the elected representatives of the people (and possibly face charges of war crimes).
Oh and apologies for the non-working graphics I tried out - haven't quite got the hang of it yet
These suggestions have not just been invented by liberal or left wing media types. They have come from leaks within both British and American intelligence and from blatant interviews by former intelligence officers, including one who worked for years with President Bush Senior. These are not the first leaks from MI5, MI6 and the CIA which have flatly contradicted what our elected leaders have told us. Blair tells us he knows something we don’t (again - this excuse is wearing very thin) and that he will make this ‘evidence’ available soon to the people of the UK. What are they doing? Why is it taking so long to show us this ‘compelling evidence’? Are they taking longer to fabricate it than they thought? Perhaps they need to find the right post-graduate dissertation to rip off again.
There are two main possibilities which present themselves here. First of all, if there are no WMD found in Iraq but our intelligence did really predict there would be then our intelligence gathering on a major enemy was incredibly poor. Given how important intelligence is in the ‘war against terror’ - and there’s nothing like killing civilians to end terror - this would mean the West has a major weakness in it’s defences? If we can’t get this right how can we expect them to infiltrate and intercept terrorists determined to attack another civilian target in one of our cities? On the other hand, if the reports are true and Bush and Blair had their reports doctored to suit their war agenda then it means our elected leaders lied to our representatives and to the people. It would mean they committed our troops to an illegal war on a trumped up charge. It would mean both leaders should be impeached at once and arrainged on charges of misleading the elected representatives of the people (and possibly face charges of war crimes).
Oh and apologies for the non-working graphics I tried out - haven't quite got the hang of it yet
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)