Hood ban bites

A large shopping mall has decided to crack down on hooded tearaways and hooligans who harass customers and steal from the mall's outlets by banning 'hoodies'. "They hang around here all in their dark hooded tops - its like a gang uniform and very intimidating when they are in a pack, roaming the mall," explained Nigel Bloggsop, security director for the Conspicous ConsumptionMall.

We've all seen these groups, almost identically dressed, hanging around our streets and malls, gazing arrogantly at every passer by from under the anonymity their perpertually raised hoods, often clutching bottles of fortified wine. Yes, those pesky Benedictine monks will not be allowed to harass decent shoppers anymore!!