Squeezable

In the supermarket on the way home tonight I notice now you can get Branston Pickle in a new squeezable bottle. I've seen ketchup, mayo and syrups in squeezable bottles, but pickle? Is it just me or is almost every foodstuff slowly moving to squeezy bottles so we lazy 21st century sods don't need to undo a lid or employ our opposable digits by using a knife? What's next for the squeezable bottle? The cat's food? Pizza in a bottle? What about biscuits? Tired of biccy crumbs when you have milk and cookies in bed? Then try our new Squeezable Cookies! Why is only my cream cheese in a squeezy bottle? Why not the oatcakes too? Hell, put them in the same bottle, squeeze out some Laughing Cow and Nairn's oatcakes right into your gob. Jeez, how lazy we're getting... and more harder to recycle plastic bottles instead of glass, but hey, if it saves a minute who cares...

Further round and into the aisle for drinks, pick up some fruit juices for breakfast - hmmm, cartons, not squeezy bottles, how primitive, I have to open cartons and pour?!?!? What am I, a caveman??!?! Let's see, we have Cranberry, Cranberry Light, Cranberry and Orange, Cranberry and Lime, Cranberry and Apple, Cranberry and Mango, Cranberry and Prozac, Cranberry and Cranberry... You know, I like cranberry (especially diluted with vodka) but there seems to be a sinister conspiracy going on in our supermarkets, a twin-pronged, subtle plan to make us all reliant on squeezy bottles and cranberry mixtures. How long till our technology is similarly affected? Will my next laptop be cranberry flavoured and come out of a squeezy bottle?