Thin ice



A report in the news today has raised alarm over the shrinking habitat of polar bears. These ferocious but cuddly carnivores rely on thick, floating ice to allow them access to sea-going seals. Scientists have discovered that between global warming thinning the ice significantly and the amount of Arctic territory the bears have lost to opportunistic adventurers like Ranulph Fiennes and other publicity stunt maniacs the bears are now facing a crisis. The WWF (the conservationists, not the wrestlers) have proposed housing some of the bears temporarily in Scottish council houses as these are often cold and draughty enough to allow the formation of large volumes of pack ice, although this depends on the bears being able to switch from hunting seals to hunting the elderly and Neds.