The Restless Dead

My mate Lin in the States sent me a link to this story which shows that the wandering dead aren't confined to George Romero's latest flick and a slew of zombie comics (and there are a lot of those right now, horror comics, especially zombie ones, are quite hot at the moment) but also in the Deep South where Hurrican Katrina has taken some of the deceased on a little trip.

This somewhat ghoulish tale reminds me of a story I read in a book years ago on vampire mythology and burial rituals which talked about a a torrential rain storm (again in the States I think, I can't recall exactly, perhaps someone recognises it) where the caskets were washed out of the soil and one coffin ended up sliding down the hill along the road, onto the pavement and into the sliding doors of a nearby store. Many stores have signs reading 'no dogs except for guide dogs' (and how do blind people read those exactly?) but few have a 'no coffins' or 'no wandering dead' signs.


Online CV

My good mate Ariel - book reviewer, star editor of the Alien Online, purveyor of fine malts and web designer to many of the UK's best SF writers - is on the market for new work. He's created a very snazzy online CV which illustrates not only the normal CV details but the work he has created, like a virtual portfolio, so anyone looking for a damned fine web designer, feel free to have a look.

Dulce est decorum est...

You'd have to be a stone not to be moved by Mr Allingham, at 109 years of age (and not really looking it) the UK's oldest war veteran. Not only one of the very few left now from World War I, Mr Allingham he is a survivor of the battle of Jutland (one of the few major surface engagements - the Kaiser's navy claimed victory because they inflicted more damage, the Royal Navy claimed victory because the Germans sailed home and didn't come out to play again) and also the last remaining founding member of the youngest of our armed forces, the Royal Air Force (which only 20 years later would be tested in fire as no service ever had been, not only protecting the nation but by winning a pivotal moment changing the fate of the free world).

I thought about marking Rememberance Day with a piece of war poetry as I did last year. But then as I was going through some of my digital photographs I came across this one I took in the old graveyard a few minutes from my home in Edinburgh. It marks the resting place of two members of the Royal Scots, one of the elite regiments of the British army. More specifically James Allan who fell in the Great War - the War to End All Wars. He is joined by his son, also James Allan who fell in the war after that. And I realised this unassuming little tombstone in my local graveyard expresses the pity of war more than anything else I can say, so I shall leave you with it and leave the blog in silence for the remainder of the day.

I think, therefore I am, I read therefore I blog

For anyone interested in some fascinating intellectual and philosophical stimulation, Yvonne has an absorbing post on her blog on the nature of consciousness (and no Descartes ‘I think therefore I am’ cop-out, thank you, Yvonne).

Fear of hunger?

Not at all.

I will not prostitute my soul

For a piece of bread

In your control.

Feed me for my value

To the human race.

Not for making trinkets

To fill your empty space.

Control, from In Your Face Poetry, Hazel B. Cameron

Scooter’s Disgrace – Kermit Speaks

In the wake of the resignation and disgrace of presidential aide Scooter there has been much debate in the US media. However, we at the Gazette decided to go to someone who has known Scooter since he was an eager young lad, his friend who gave him his first job, Sir Kermit the Frog, OBE.

“We’re all devastated with the course Scooter’s life has taken,” confessed a clearly upset Kermit, looking distinctly off-colour. “But looking back it is easier to see that he has been going off the rails for some time.”

Kermit went on to explain that when Scooter first started as his aide on the Muppet show he was a delightful young chap, friednly, open, eager to please and impress his boss. However, as time went on he started to change, especially after he was converted to Republicanism by some evangelical GOPper missionaries.

He became increasingly estranged from his liberal friends on the Muppet show, culminating in a tirade against the alternative lifestyle of Bert and Ernie as ‘un-natural’. In fact, many among the Muppets and Sesame Street cast still believe Scooter to be the one who leaked the truth about Bert and Ernie’s relationship. Recent events have tended to support this belief.

“As soon as he fell under the spell of this evil cult and began to believe in GOP, Scooter was lost to us,” commented Kermit sadly. “It’s the worst thing to happen to one of our former cast members since the Great Gonzo was caught in an adult theatre with Pewee Herman.”

Seriously though, what sort of dumb-ass name is 'Scooter'??? How the hell did this numpty get a name like that? Was he a fan of the aforementioned Muppets character? Perhaps he was a serious Mod in his youth, tooling around Washington on his Vespa while singing to the Who? If that was the case it is unfortunate for Scooter Libby that Americans have looked at his lame story and declared they "won't get fooled again."

The Devil You Know

If, like me, you are a fan of the work of Mike Carey - best known to comic and graphic novel readers for his fantastic Lucifer series (which follows the Lightbringer's life after he quit Hell back in Neil's Season of Mists chapter of the Sandman) - then you may want to have a look at a piece I posted on the FPI blog the other day. Mike has his first prose novel - The Devil You Know - coming out in April of 2006 from the excellent UK SF publisher Orbit.



The Devil You Know centres around Felix Castor, a down-at-heels gumshoe-like exorcist and sounds excellent (can't wait to get a proof copy!). If you haven't read any of Mike's comics work you should know that another of my favourite writers, Richard Morgan, picked no less than two of Mike's Lucifer books for his personal top ten graphic novels and is impressed by early glimpses of Devil You Know. My mate George who is now at Orbit kindly got some soundbites from both Mike and his editor Darren (who also edits Ken MacLeod) which you can find on the FPI blog.

Remember, remember the fifth of November

The gunpowder treason and plot.

I see no reason why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot.




Politicians are now looking more likely to impose far tougher restrictions on the sale of fireworks. It's a shame that if they go the whole hog families won't be able to enjoyGuy Fawkes Night bashes in their own gardens anymore like they did when I was a kid (although we had to hold it on a different night since my uncle was a firefighter and it is their busiest night of the year!). On the other hand I am sick of wee hooligans getting hold of fireworks from disreputable stores and then throwing them at cyclists, vehicles, people and animals so maybe it is time to effectively end public sale of them. That or take each wee ned who throws fireworks at people or animals, tie them to a post at Bonfire Night celebrations and stuff lit fireworks down their pants. The Ned stood by the burning pyre, his pants full of bangers; five of them went off at once and blew off both his knackers...

I do find it endlessly amusing that in most parts of the USA there are quite serious restrictions on the sale of fireworks, especially compared to our more liberal laws - they treat them (rightly) as quite dangerous in the wrong hands. Of course, you can walk into Walmart and buy a fine array of high velocity guns, but at least the fireworks are kept out of unsafe hands!

On a more-or-less unrelated note I was thinkong on the multi-buy offers so beloved of big chain stores - Buy One Get One Free (or BOGOF as it is known in retail) and the 3 for 2 which seems more central to some booksellers than range and I wondered about certain items you don't normally see on multi buys.

For example, do the likes of Walmart ever do a 3 for 2 on armour piercing ammunition? Buy One Smith &Wesson, Get One Free! You don't normally see a 3 for 2 deal on wheel spinners for the tasteless (be handy if you owned an old Robin Reliant or Bubble Car though) and plastic surgeons rarely offer 3 for 2 on breast augmentation (with the possible expection of the prostitute with three boobs in Total Recall). When was the last time you saw 'Buy One Bathroom Suite, Get One Free'? Buy One Football Club, Get One Free (offer applies only to Eastern European Businesspersons, terms and conditions apply). Hysterectomy - 3 for 2 this month only. Ear piecing, 3 for 2.

There's a whole range of consumables out there that seem to have avoided the multi-buy mentality for some reason. Anything you think should be multi-buy? And in the case of books, does anyone else feel that perhaps they should just be honest and start selling potboiler 'bestsellers' (which often aren't bestsellers in the traditional sense but have been made to seem this way by market manipulation) books by weight instead of 3 for 2? Special reduction if you buy 5 kilos of Tom Clancy this week; treat yourself to a couple of kilos of Chick Lit for the weekend (low in fat and utterly disposable); oh shopkeeper, may I trouble you for a gross of Harry Potter and a couple of slices of poetry on the side?


Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting...

Possibly even funnier than the video that went with that awful old pop song (which saw a rather tubby coloured guy in pyjamas trying to do chop-sockey to the above title tune) is this groovy vid from the Ministry of Unknown Science.