Tube
I've been looking through some more stuff on Youtube (which always makes me laugh because back in Glasgow if someone called you a tube they ain't being nice). Someone has posted a clip of a Star Trek pastiche I'd totally forgotten about from the Scottish sketch show Chewin' the Fat, with Taysiders in Space:
Monday, May 29, 2006
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Can't please everyone
In a perfect example of the old adage that you can't please everyone, my new copy of movie mag Empire (with an excellent 3-D Superman cover!) has a review of one movie and one DVD release, both of which I saw ages ago and both starring one of the best actors around, Daniel Auteil. Empire loves 36 (which was still 36 Quai des Orfevres when Mel and I saw it last year the the Festival) and they thought Cache (Hidden) was also a daringly different and amazing thriller and gave both French flicks many a star in their ratings. Scotland on Sunday also loved 36:
"Based on true events, 36 is a steely thriller that combines the hardboiled attitude of LA Confidential with an elaborate tale of righteous anger and revenge that could have been penned by Alexandre Dumas or Victor Hugo."
Oh dear. Oh deary, deary me. I thought both stunk like a skunk pie with a side serving of armpit souffle. And please don't insult one of my favourite writers, Dumas, by comparing 36 to him, because 36 is an awful, hackneyed, lazy, predictable piece of crap which I suspect is getting more kudos than it deserves because it has two of the best French actors (or best actors full stop) Gerard Depardieu and Daniel Auteil but actually came across to me as the sort of glossy but insubstantial pap you'd expect from mainstream Hollywood. I also strongly suspect that had this been a Hollywood productions most reviewers would be saying similar things to myself, but because it is French it gets more leeway because they want it to be good (so did I - mel and I went to see it knowing almost nothing about it, but since it had Gerard and Daniel in it we were happy to go in blind, which made the disappontment worse).
And Hidden wasn't daring, it was just deadly dull, pointless, boring, aimless, directionless, passionless and worst of all Juliette Binoche didn't take her clothes off. Actually it looked to me to be the sort of European film that comedy shows pastiche because it was so up its own arse. I do appreciate someone trying to do something clever and new with a thriller, as say Chris Nolan did with Memento, but this isn't clever (but I think it believes it is). Still, as with all reviews it is down to taste and I've raved about good books and films and found folk who agreed but also folk who disagreed. At least that makes life more interesting. How boring would it be if we all agreed??? Still, they are bad films :-). And Mel hated them both too, so it ain't just me.
In a perfect example of the old adage that you can't please everyone, my new copy of movie mag Empire (with an excellent 3-D Superman cover!) has a review of one movie and one DVD release, both of which I saw ages ago and both starring one of the best actors around, Daniel Auteil. Empire loves 36 (which was still 36 Quai des Orfevres when Mel and I saw it last year the the Festival) and they thought Cache (Hidden) was also a daringly different and amazing thriller and gave both French flicks many a star in their ratings. Scotland on Sunday also loved 36:
"Based on true events, 36 is a steely thriller that combines the hardboiled attitude of LA Confidential with an elaborate tale of righteous anger and revenge that could have been penned by Alexandre Dumas or Victor Hugo."
Oh dear. Oh deary, deary me. I thought both stunk like a skunk pie with a side serving of armpit souffle. And please don't insult one of my favourite writers, Dumas, by comparing 36 to him, because 36 is an awful, hackneyed, lazy, predictable piece of crap which I suspect is getting more kudos than it deserves because it has two of the best French actors (or best actors full stop) Gerard Depardieu and Daniel Auteil but actually came across to me as the sort of glossy but insubstantial pap you'd expect from mainstream Hollywood. I also strongly suspect that had this been a Hollywood productions most reviewers would be saying similar things to myself, but because it is French it gets more leeway because they want it to be good (so did I - mel and I went to see it knowing almost nothing about it, but since it had Gerard and Daniel in it we were happy to go in blind, which made the disappontment worse).
And Hidden wasn't daring, it was just deadly dull, pointless, boring, aimless, directionless, passionless and worst of all Juliette Binoche didn't take her clothes off. Actually it looked to me to be the sort of European film that comedy shows pastiche because it was so up its own arse. I do appreciate someone trying to do something clever and new with a thriller, as say Chris Nolan did with Memento, but this isn't clever (but I think it believes it is). Still, as with all reviews it is down to taste and I've raved about good books and films and found folk who agreed but also folk who disagreed. At least that makes life more interesting. How boring would it be if we all agreed??? Still, they are bad films :-). And Mel hated them both too, so it ain't just me.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Bite of the Apple
The EFF have just given Apple Computers a hefty kick up their corporate ass which they so thoroughly deserved. Apple were trying to use the courts to force bloggers who posted leaked information to reveal their sources, rather than actually do their own investigation (easier for a large company to use lawyers to intimidate individual bloggers) and argued that since bloggers were not bona fide news reporters they didn't share the right to protect their sources as journalists did. Although they rather undermined this argument of theirs by then saying even if they were journalists they should have to disclose their sources (because corporate secrecy is more important the freedom of speech obviously).
A couple of things spring to my mind over this - first off, one of the topics millions in and out of the blogosphere have been discussing is the fact that blogs which report news items are essentially turning us into citizen reporters and any IT company should be aware of this by now or they aren't paying attention. Personally I think that is a good thing - although it can be abused or just plain wrong sometimes it also puts many extra eyes, ears and thoughts into monitoring what companies, governments and others are doing and discussing it in the light of day - very democratic and perhaps where once constitutions like that of the US called for the right (and duty) of citizen's to form a militia to protect the nation perhaps today citizen bloggers are the new cyber milita of interactive, grassroots democracy, with the right to keep and to bear blogs. As old Tom Paine might have put it, these are the times that try blogger's souls (you just know if he were around today Tom would be running a kick-ass blog, of course if we were to extend this analogy the EFF would now stand for the Electronic Founding Fathers).
Secondly, I am tired of corporations who seem to think they can trample all over the rights of citizens in democratic nations to express their thoughts freely. Perhaps they are inspired by the sorts of legislation which governments have passed since 9-11 restricting freedoms. Both those who work for these corporations and those who do not suffer from this corporate bullying - we are big, powerful with a closet full of evil lawyers like Monty Burns has in the Simpsons and we can threaten and bully little individuals at will. Except you can't, because unlike you we are connected, interwired and when you treat a few bloggers like this you are going to get your name blackened around the world by bloggers, which will be picked up by news services - that these corporate monoliths don't understand this yet after several high profile examples illustrates their narrow-minded, might-is-right approach perfectly. We're not quite in a William Gibson-esque coprporate dystopia yet and blogs have a role to play in making sure we never are. And if you happen to be a major maker of computing technology it probably is not a good idea to piss off the people who are likely to use your products - that is basic business common sense.
And lastly, do you remember when Apple used to be cool; the hip, designer, easy-to-use underdog facing the faceless masses of Microsoft and PCs? And now, as my patron saint Bill of Hicks would have put it, they are sucking on Satan's cock. Oh, Apple, hast thou now tasted of the forbidden fruit which bears thy name? Except this apple wasn't the apple of knowledge in the Garden of Eden but the apple of corporate hubris. And some of us remember that great movie-style advert many moons ago with the faceless grey drones watching a giant screen of the two minute hate. An athletic young woman races in, pursued by security, past the unthinking drones, swings a hammer and releases it, shattering the giant screen and silencing the ranting figure telling everyone how to think. The tag line was "why 1984 doesn't need to be like 1984." It was a clever and spectacular bit of marketing, pushing the product as a way for individuals to be self-empowered, to take on the Big Guys and express themselves.
The product was for the old Apple Mac. The same company which now tries to sue bloggers who used that technology to do just what that advert promised them it would help them to do. That's as hypocritical as, say, a book company promoting themselves through adverts as being protectors of free speech then firing an employee for exercising the same right. Oh, hold on a minute... Apple, once you were cool, now you look like corporate bully boys and instead of delivering terrific technology that is easy to use and empowers individuals you just sell over-priced designer goods with white wires to style monkeys and sue those who you don't agree with - even when some of the sites involved are sites which generally create an awareness of Apple products and celebrate them for the most part (suing them is a bit like when Fox's lawyers threatened all the fan sites in the 90s who had X-Files and Simpsons stuff up for breaching copyright, even though they were non profit and created free advertising for them - duhhhh). Guess which blogger will never be buying an Apple Ipod?
The EFF have just given Apple Computers a hefty kick up their corporate ass which they so thoroughly deserved. Apple were trying to use the courts to force bloggers who posted leaked information to reveal their sources, rather than actually do their own investigation (easier for a large company to use lawyers to intimidate individual bloggers) and argued that since bloggers were not bona fide news reporters they didn't share the right to protect their sources as journalists did. Although they rather undermined this argument of theirs by then saying even if they were journalists they should have to disclose their sources (because corporate secrecy is more important the freedom of speech obviously).
A couple of things spring to my mind over this - first off, one of the topics millions in and out of the blogosphere have been discussing is the fact that blogs which report news items are essentially turning us into citizen reporters and any IT company should be aware of this by now or they aren't paying attention. Personally I think that is a good thing - although it can be abused or just plain wrong sometimes it also puts many extra eyes, ears and thoughts into monitoring what companies, governments and others are doing and discussing it in the light of day - very democratic and perhaps where once constitutions like that of the US called for the right (and duty) of citizen's to form a militia to protect the nation perhaps today citizen bloggers are the new cyber milita of interactive, grassroots democracy, with the right to keep and to bear blogs. As old Tom Paine might have put it, these are the times that try blogger's souls (you just know if he were around today Tom would be running a kick-ass blog, of course if we were to extend this analogy the EFF would now stand for the Electronic Founding Fathers).
Secondly, I am tired of corporations who seem to think they can trample all over the rights of citizens in democratic nations to express their thoughts freely. Perhaps they are inspired by the sorts of legislation which governments have passed since 9-11 restricting freedoms. Both those who work for these corporations and those who do not suffer from this corporate bullying - we are big, powerful with a closet full of evil lawyers like Monty Burns has in the Simpsons and we can threaten and bully little individuals at will. Except you can't, because unlike you we are connected, interwired and when you treat a few bloggers like this you are going to get your name blackened around the world by bloggers, which will be picked up by news services - that these corporate monoliths don't understand this yet after several high profile examples illustrates their narrow-minded, might-is-right approach perfectly. We're not quite in a William Gibson-esque coprporate dystopia yet and blogs have a role to play in making sure we never are. And if you happen to be a major maker of computing technology it probably is not a good idea to piss off the people who are likely to use your products - that is basic business common sense.
And lastly, do you remember when Apple used to be cool; the hip, designer, easy-to-use underdog facing the faceless masses of Microsoft and PCs? And now, as my patron saint Bill of Hicks would have put it, they are sucking on Satan's cock. Oh, Apple, hast thou now tasted of the forbidden fruit which bears thy name? Except this apple wasn't the apple of knowledge in the Garden of Eden but the apple of corporate hubris. And some of us remember that great movie-style advert many moons ago with the faceless grey drones watching a giant screen of the two minute hate. An athletic young woman races in, pursued by security, past the unthinking drones, swings a hammer and releases it, shattering the giant screen and silencing the ranting figure telling everyone how to think. The tag line was "why 1984 doesn't need to be like 1984." It was a clever and spectacular bit of marketing, pushing the product as a way for individuals to be self-empowered, to take on the Big Guys and express themselves.
The product was for the old Apple Mac. The same company which now tries to sue bloggers who used that technology to do just what that advert promised them it would help them to do. That's as hypocritical as, say, a book company promoting themselves through adverts as being protectors of free speech then firing an employee for exercising the same right. Oh, hold on a minute... Apple, once you were cool, now you look like corporate bully boys and instead of delivering terrific technology that is easy to use and empowers individuals you just sell over-priced designer goods with white wires to style monkeys and sue those who you don't agree with - even when some of the sites involved are sites which generally create an awareness of Apple products and celebrate them for the most part (suing them is a bit like when Fox's lawyers threatened all the fan sites in the 90s who had X-Files and Simpsons stuff up for breaching copyright, even though they were non profit and created free advertising for them - duhhhh). Guess which blogger will never be buying an Apple Ipod?
Good British values
The government has announced recently it wants schools to teach good British values not only to pupils who are immigrants to the country but also to ensure those born here are aware of traditional British qualities and values. But what actually will we be teaching?
Democracy: As the Mother of Parliaments we can, of course, teach our children that we are therefore better than everyone else.
Free debate: Related to our Democracy, this is where we teach school children that in this ancient land we value the freedom of speech and debate over all things. Except when half the population tell the governmen they don't approve of their actions such as the invasion of another country or a young woman attempts to read out the names of casualties as a protest in Whitehall and is arrested. Or if you speak you mind on a blog and get fired, come to that.
Freedom of movement: Another essential of our Great British Democracy, the right to come and go at will, unimpeded. And those biometric passports, biometric ID cards and the ability to track locations of individuals using cell phone signals and satellites ensures that the government makes sure we continue to enjoy this right, as long as we're not going anywhere they don't want us to and know where we are at all times.
Tolerance: A fundamental quality of the fair-minded British is that we are scrupulous in our tolerance of those different from us. As long as they learn to be exactly like us through classes such as those in British values. See also how to homogenise the multi-cultural society and the long-lived tradition of making fun of foreign people.
And let us not forget those other fine traditions of British life we can teach youngsters: how to be incredibly loud and obnoxious abroad, how to work terribly long hours and ruin our family lives, our ability to show how tough we are by drinking more than anyone else, our fine tradition of early heart attacks and our ability to worry about immigrants from places like India and Pakistan coming here and undermining our 'Britishness' and how we debate it as we enjoy a good curry and a pint of Kingfisher. Any other fine British suggestions we can teach our kids, folks?
Although in some fairness, here are a few British values which I don't take the mickey out of: the fact we give a huge amount to international charities every year, the fact millions of us are prepared to march and protest that which we find abhorrent, the fact that we have produced some astonishing writers, artists, film-makers, poets, dancers, musicians and a long list of Nobel Prize winners, the fact that we created some of the engineering and scientific principles and devices that are the basis of our world today and are still doing so (for examples, the British-led team who pretty much saved the Human Genome Project from becoming a privatised money-making machine for one greedy American company) and let's not forget the British ability simply not to give in even in the face of overwhelming odds and terror, without which we would all be speaking German and abusing Poles. And our delightfully weird sense of humour which gave birth to the Goon Show and Monty Python. Oh and we love animals.
Come to think of it, I think I just illustrated one of the most British of qualities - an ambigious feeling to these islands where I find so much to be unfair and hypocritical and yet there is also an enormous amount to be proud of. How very British.
The government has announced recently it wants schools to teach good British values not only to pupils who are immigrants to the country but also to ensure those born here are aware of traditional British qualities and values. But what actually will we be teaching?
Democracy: As the Mother of Parliaments we can, of course, teach our children that we are therefore better than everyone else.
Free debate: Related to our Democracy, this is where we teach school children that in this ancient land we value the freedom of speech and debate over all things. Except when half the population tell the governmen they don't approve of their actions such as the invasion of another country or a young woman attempts to read out the names of casualties as a protest in Whitehall and is arrested. Or if you speak you mind on a blog and get fired, come to that.
Freedom of movement: Another essential of our Great British Democracy, the right to come and go at will, unimpeded. And those biometric passports, biometric ID cards and the ability to track locations of individuals using cell phone signals and satellites ensures that the government makes sure we continue to enjoy this right, as long as we're not going anywhere they don't want us to and know where we are at all times.
Tolerance: A fundamental quality of the fair-minded British is that we are scrupulous in our tolerance of those different from us. As long as they learn to be exactly like us through classes such as those in British values. See also how to homogenise the multi-cultural society and the long-lived tradition of making fun of foreign people.
And let us not forget those other fine traditions of British life we can teach youngsters: how to be incredibly loud and obnoxious abroad, how to work terribly long hours and ruin our family lives, our ability to show how tough we are by drinking more than anyone else, our fine tradition of early heart attacks and our ability to worry about immigrants from places like India and Pakistan coming here and undermining our 'Britishness' and how we debate it as we enjoy a good curry and a pint of Kingfisher. Any other fine British suggestions we can teach our kids, folks?
Although in some fairness, here are a few British values which I don't take the mickey out of: the fact we give a huge amount to international charities every year, the fact millions of us are prepared to march and protest that which we find abhorrent, the fact that we have produced some astonishing writers, artists, film-makers, poets, dancers, musicians and a long list of Nobel Prize winners, the fact that we created some of the engineering and scientific principles and devices that are the basis of our world today and are still doing so (for examples, the British-led team who pretty much saved the Human Genome Project from becoming a privatised money-making machine for one greedy American company) and let's not forget the British ability simply not to give in even in the face of overwhelming odds and terror, without which we would all be speaking German and abusing Poles. And our delightfully weird sense of humour which gave birth to the Goon Show and Monty Python. Oh and we love animals.
Come to think of it, I think I just illustrated one of the most British of qualities - an ambigious feeling to these islands where I find so much to be unfair and hypocritical and yet there is also an enormous amount to be proud of. How very British.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Goodies! Goody goody yum yum!
Superb news today announcing that the Goodies will be reforming for a run at the Assembly Rooms for the Fringe during the Edinburgh Festival!!! Jumps up and down excitedly, does the Funky Gibbon and is chased by giant kid's TV puppets! I can think on several mates who will want to go and see this, although I suspect this is one Fringe show Mel won't go to since she can't stand the Goodies. Or Buster Keaton. Or Monty Python. Or Spike Milligan and the Goons. Or Mel Brooks. Poor thing, just as well she has me to amuse her. Maybe I can teach her the Funky Gibbon.
Superb news today announcing that the Goodies will be reforming for a run at the Assembly Rooms for the Fringe during the Edinburgh Festival!!! Jumps up and down excitedly, does the Funky Gibbon and is chased by giant kid's TV puppets! I can think on several mates who will want to go and see this, although I suspect this is one Fringe show Mel won't go to since she can't stand the Goodies. Or Buster Keaton. Or Monty Python. Or Spike Milligan and the Goons. Or Mel Brooks. Poor thing, just as well she has me to amuse her. Maybe I can teach her the Funky Gibbon.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Save the Caley Sample!
I meant to post on this a few days ago but it was taken off my mind by other events. When my drouthy cronie Gordon and I repaired to the Caledonian Sample Room recently we heard that the Caley Sample (the pub, not the excellent brewery along the road) was in serious danger of closing. This is a huge blow to we beer-bellied real ale drinkers of the Lothians as it is a mecca for us and for me and Gordon it is a really low blow because it also happens to be our favourite drinking hole in this side of the galaxy. If the Caley does go the Gorgie-Dalry-Polwarth triangle in Edinburgh loses a great place. Sure there are other bars nearby, quite a few of which I like drinking in and a couple aren't bad for proper beer (like the Golden Rule) but the Caley Sample is one of the best places to go and enjoy a really well-served pint of Deuchars IPA or Caledonian 80.
I like my favourite local and I like the friendly staff and I like the way they pour the locally-brewed fabulous beer properly and the barmaid will slip out a bowl of dog biccies for Gordon's pooch Bruce and I like the occassional music gig (Thin Lizzy tribute band a couple of weeks ago!! Rock on!). Anyone have a good idea how to save the Caley Sample Room then? Other than regular topless nights, which was my idea but didn't float (yeah, I was slightly drunk at the time but in all honesty I'd probably have suggested that when sober too, so can't blame the ale).
I meant to post on this a few days ago but it was taken off my mind by other events. When my drouthy cronie Gordon and I repaired to the Caledonian Sample Room recently we heard that the Caley Sample (the pub, not the excellent brewery along the road) was in serious danger of closing. This is a huge blow to we beer-bellied real ale drinkers of the Lothians as it is a mecca for us and for me and Gordon it is a really low blow because it also happens to be our favourite drinking hole in this side of the galaxy. If the Caley does go the Gorgie-Dalry-Polwarth triangle in Edinburgh loses a great place. Sure there are other bars nearby, quite a few of which I like drinking in and a couple aren't bad for proper beer (like the Golden Rule) but the Caley Sample is one of the best places to go and enjoy a really well-served pint of Deuchars IPA or Caledonian 80.
I like my favourite local and I like the friendly staff and I like the way they pour the locally-brewed fabulous beer properly and the barmaid will slip out a bowl of dog biccies for Gordon's pooch Bruce and I like the occassional music gig (Thin Lizzy tribute band a couple of weeks ago!! Rock on!). Anyone have a good idea how to save the Caley Sample Room then? Other than regular topless nights, which was my idea but didn't float (yeah, I was slightly drunk at the time but in all honesty I'd probably have suggested that when sober too, so can't blame the ale).
Monday, May 22, 2006
Blair's Middle-East getaway from it all break
Most news agencies reported today on Tony Blair visiting that fine, sun-kissed holiday destination, Baghdad, where he could top up his tan in-between visits to his regular holidays in Italy. However, only we at the Gazette seem to have picked up on a factual error: the red carpet was not rolled out for Mr Blair's visit. In fact it was the dead carpet. Like the more well-known red carpet it is also a scarlet colour, but the dead carpet's hue is because it is stained red with blood and the fabric of the carpet is woven from threads taken from the clothes of the soldiers and civilians killed in the 'liberation' of Iraq. This allows world leaders to walk across the dead with their feet but allows their hands to appear as if they are not soaked in spilled blood.
Okay, maybe it wasn't really a dead carpet woven of slaughtered people's clothes in reality; it's a sarcastic bit of metaphor. But on another level it's absolutely goddam true. That man should be scrubbing his hands more than Lady Macbeth.
Most news agencies reported today on Tony Blair visiting that fine, sun-kissed holiday destination, Baghdad, where he could top up his tan in-between visits to his regular holidays in Italy. However, only we at the Gazette seem to have picked up on a factual error: the red carpet was not rolled out for Mr Blair's visit. In fact it was the dead carpet. Like the more well-known red carpet it is also a scarlet colour, but the dead carpet's hue is because it is stained red with blood and the fabric of the carpet is woven from threads taken from the clothes of the soldiers and civilians killed in the 'liberation' of Iraq. This allows world leaders to walk across the dead with their feet but allows their hands to appear as if they are not soaked in spilled blood.
Okay, maybe it wasn't really a dead carpet woven of slaughtered people's clothes in reality; it's a sarcastic bit of metaphor. But on another level it's absolutely goddam true. That man should be scrubbing his hands more than Lady Macbeth.
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